Quotes 2017

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Remember, please use the format "Quote" - Person and put the quote under the correct subheading to make it easier and more consistent to read. For each individual course, please use Sub-heading 2 (CTRL+4). If you put obscure quotes into General then they will just be moved into In-Jokes. You can toggle italics on and off using CTRL+I (or CMD+I on Mac).

Session 1


  • *Uncontrollable Sobbing* - Everyone
  • "All Star Lyrics" - everyone
  • "Oisin is not the God of Ninja" - Anonymous
  • "We are The Stair Ninjas, fuck you!!" - The Stair Ninjas
  • "What time is it?" "It's 20 to half past." - Dara to anyone who asked
  • "Do you like Mika!?" - Dara to anyone who spoke to him
  • "Stick your beak up your tiny penguin ass, and proceed to pull your innards out of your body." - The Stair Ninjas
  • "Fucking penguin is a waste of time and effort. Donate it to SVDP or something. Get a life." - The Stair Ninjas
  • "KRISTOBURG?!" - The Stair Ninjas
  • "Buildings are just a Social Construct" - The Stair Ninjas
  • "One fluid motion!" - The Stair Ninjas
  • "One film and it has to be appropriate" - RAs; *Booing* - everyone
  • "YYYYYEEEEEEEEE!" - everyone
  • "Stop calling me Hatler" - Hatler
  • "Stan Lee's wife is dead" *followed by hysterical laughing* - The Stair Ninjas
  • "A bunch of wankers wearing cygnet rings and blazers, what a bunch of wankers!" - Dylan TallMan
  • "You should never make drugs like that again." - Anonymous
  • "Rats. Foiled again in my devious endeavours" -Conan
  • "Are you calling me a hegemonic bitch?" - Kurt
  • "Science isn't even right." - Nathan
  • "They chase the gays around Pluto" - Fergal
  • "I don't even mind discrimination!" - Kurt
  • "The Germans cook better than the Irish. And that's an insult." -Clara
  • "Why do I keep killing myself?" -Camilla
  • "Fuck off, you think I care about Africa?" - Rory
  • "I'd toast my dick in a toaster bag" - Cormac
  • "Panini dick" - Cormac
  • "Badabing badabullshit" - Lian
  • "Do you say hoover or dressing gown?" - Cian
  • "People touch people alot here"- Jack


  • "Wouldn't that be incense- I mean incest" -Liadain; "It'd be hot nonetheless" - Daniel
  • "My job is to sleep with children" -Ben
  • "Is my bird a terrorist?" -Alex
  • "I'm a dirty little CAT, and I like to dress up" -Liam
  • "I'm so tired; I'm wrecked; I'm exhausted" - Ciara
  • "Never quote yourself" -Me
  • "Take a face of my nipples" -Liam
  • "I may have infiltrated your wrap" -Fergus
  • "I like my siblings more" -Cian
  • [Singing] "Only the dankest of memes will suffiiiiiiiiiiice~!" -Tim [Crispy T]
  • "My bag is in the Macaroni Building..." -Tim
  • "Yes, Donegal is a beautiful place, full of paedophiles." -Edward, evidently in a Donegal accent.
  • "What colour is gay" -Liam
  • "You remind me of the babe ... the babe!" -Óisin/Padraig; "What movie is that from?" -Liam; "David Bowie's crotch bulge" -Fergus
  • "I have found a troop of 13 year olds" -Liadáin
  • "Maybe the real overused joke was the friends we made along the way." -Pádraig
  • "I thought she was 16!" -Ethan Coyne
  • "Do you think Gerry Adams is thicc AF?" -Larisa
  • "So what's the difference between pansexuals and BDSM?" -Úna
  • "Guys, the floorgie has become a swastika." -Íosaf
  • "I love my friends,"; "I prefer my siblings." -Pádraig and Cian
  • "End it with a manly yiff" - Cúán
  • "The T stands for smart" - Lian; "The C stands for CIAN" - Cian; "Cian Smart You Is" - Úna
  • "Kinky communism" - Eimear
  • "I've had five glasses of water. I'm so HIGH-drated." - Kurt
  • "Can we have a smiling at your crotch appreciation, Noah?" - Colm
  • "We need to have a sweatshop appreciation." - Zac
  • "I'm probably drunk on club orange, but I don't care. Another!" *hurls bottle at the ground* - Serena
  • "Heart of the cards; more like heart of my ass." - Pádraig
  • "What are you? China? Why are you hiding sweatshops?" - Kurt
  • "It's like a baby cloud's bum." - Kurt
  • "I have our literal child's blood on my hands. In my mouth." - Kenneth
  • "Human birthing sponge." - Fergus
  • "Report me, daddy." - Kenneth
  • "Noah's gone, so - fuck my life!" - Kurt
  • "So it's lesbian, plus u." - Kurt
  • "Fluffy bunnies for fluffies- sorry, furries!" - Eilís
  • "I'm a polarised, gay Cruella deVil." - Kurt
  • slaps hands* "Is this how you affection?" - Elliot; *slaps hands* "This is how you affection." - Eoin
  • "Me as a chip. Because it's salty." - Kurt
  • "I got a fidget cube and fidgeted the wrong way." - Elliot
  • "I just throw in a few emojis and hope people don't realise I don't care about their lives." - Kurt
  • "You know how we're family and *drops spoon* fuck." - Elliot
  • "Why do the mannequins look like such whores?" - Kurt
  • "Let's get him a lollipop. He likes that right? *pause* Oh, wait, that sounds like a gay reference. I'm sorry." - Kurt
  • "I'm reverse gay." - Frank
  • "You can't not like Disney! You're gay!" - Kurt
  • "You're the sugar daddy with a sugar daddy." - Elliot
  • "I thought you said slaves." - Ciara
  • "Do you insert that into your hard drive?" - Kurt
  • "I'm reading about lobster sex." - Stephanie
  • "Monster sex!" - Ella
  • "There's an E in my name! Can I lick the pen too?" - Stephanie
  • "What does Garfield have to do with sex?" - Stephanie
  • "Like, no one's going to slip on a chair." - Kurt
  • "Navan home of the potato" -Muireann
  • "He needs an irrigation scheme on his head"-Muireann
  • "Scurr scurr" -everyone
  • "Why u scurrin muireann"-Tara
  • "Just look up 'I shifted someone on cocaine, did he know he shifted me' you're sure to get good results"-Niamh
  • "It's not real food it's just a bunch of bacteria"-Tara
  • "If you want to be in the real world"-Alex "you kill your self" -Ruairí
  • "I'm like a depressed 3 year old"-Callum
  • "if he could do 100 push-ups like that I'd tap that"- Fionn
  • "You wouldn't have sex with him, you'd make love"- Emer
  • "caoimhe the rock of cashel O'Donnell "-Kellie H and Tara
  • "every holes a goal but not every goals a winner "-Ruairí
  • "he's like someone you don't shift you just marry"-Kelly L
  • "animal crossing? We just call it zebra crossing "-Tara
  • "I sexually identify as a Lamborghini"-Padraig
  • "yeah I brought the food but nobody noticed that they just saw the H&M bag and thought 'ooh someone's a tad homosexual"-Ruaíri
  • "I dropped the soap for the wasp"-Killian
  • "I was on heroin.net"-Killian
  • - *while waving a breadstick and in a serious voice* "who wants to have sex with me"-Killian
  • "he's god he's every decade"-Hailey
  • "you. Can't hang yourself in space"-Tara
  • "just remember you can't see them when you're shifting them"-Killian
  • “AMY DARCYYYYYY” - Matt's RA group and everyone who knows amy darcy
  • "Yes I'm sexually attracted to my shoes" - Ella
  • "We don't know the reasons for hating gay people, otherwise we'd hate them too" - Fish
  • "Being gay is the next step in evolution" - Fionn
  • "Bisexuals are the superior race" - Fionn
  • "Bisexuals are the only people who can multitask" - Fish
  • "She said 'your name's a meme, wanna shift?'" - Tiernan Brosnan
  • "What did you think of Elliot's poem?" - Everyone
  • "Hey, any hot goss?" - Tomás to everyone who walked by
  • "I swear on my virginity" - Tomás
  • "I accidentally shouldered a door into a lightswitch and broke both of them" - Ethan


CTYI Behavioural Psychology

  • "I'm Eoghan and I love the... Recession?" -Eoghan
  • "Biology is not a science." -Maya
  • "Seagull psychology!" -Maya
  • "Pigeons can read!" -Maya
  • "I'd really rather not have to milk anyone." -Rory McFeely
  • "Let's call him 'Lil` Mickey'." -Madhav [Instructor]
  • "Let's study the psychology of why birds." -Maya
  • "Either nature or nurture, it's still your fault." -Úna
  • "It was clear that you were nurtured anyway." -Leah
  • "Don't jerk off in my fry!" -Úna
  • "Umbrellas cause arousal." -Daniel
  • "I gag when I eat children-- I mean tomato." -Úna
  • "Pollinate me daddy." -Úna
  • "Who's the Guilder Scrolls?" -Leah
  • "It goes both ways, that's why it's stupid. Like bisexuals!" -Aislinn on two-way doors.
  • "A dead participant is a useless participant." -Rory McFeely
  • "Don't bring the nazis into this." -Alex
  • "Don't get a feel for India. You probably won't like it." -Madhav [Instructor]
  • "Was robbie-rotten-is-my-daddy your password?" -Maya to Jennifer
  • "Anything can be a weapon if you try hard enough." -Ellen
  • "The LUAS is the fancy train." -Emma
  • "I want to be reincarnated as a 3D printed pterodactyl." -Becka
  • "This one goes out to Rory and Rebecca. -plays careless whisper-" -Eoghan
  • "Dublin zoo's latest attraction; children." -Becka
  • "Ratatouille is an accurate representation of the future if Soviet Russia wasn't destroyed." -Rory McFeely
  • "Don't deface my banana with Rory!" -Úna
  • "You can't touch my banana 'till marriage." -Rory
  • "Does that answer your question?"; "Subjectively, but yes?"; "Welcome to psychology." -Daniel and Tony [lecturer]
  • "I like how his crotch is on my chest." -Úna
  • "7.7% of the class say I'd fuck Danny DeVito." -Maya and Jennifer
  • "Look at how many grammars I have." -Conor
  • "That happened to me too."; "You wanted to marry your mother?" -Madhav and Ellen
  • "Lord give me patience, Lord give me grapes." -Marianne
  • "Your pants are enjoyable." -Aislinn
  • "You look more like a clarinet player to me." -Emily (extra iconic)
  • "You got mystery fluid on the tradition sheets!" -Emily (iconic)
  • "Hoover orgy!" -Emily (iconic)
  • "Oh, the octopus fandom." -Alex & Class
  • "She said 'your name's a meme, wanna shift?'" - Tiernan Brosnan
  • "What did you think of Elliot's poem?" - Everyone
  • "Being gay is the next step in evolution" - Fionn
  • "Bisexuals are the superior race" - Fionn
  • "Bisexuals are the only people who can multitask" - Fish
  • "We don't know the reasons for hating gay people otherwise we'd hate them too" - Fish

CTYI Biomedical Engineering

  • "Aim for your shoes they already suffered" - Fergus
  • "Why is there a jar of naked?" - Edward
  • "I would decorate my house with ears" - Edward
  • "What a great crotch I have" - Edward
  • "Don't get too excited" - Caoimhe
  • "Why does it look like a sausage" - Ella
  • "Why does everyone lick me" - Daniel
  • "The Powerhouse of the cell!!!" - Everyone
  • "OK, I'll stop fan-girling over CRISPR" - Tim [Crispy t]
  • "...And grows a pseudo-penis" -Edward
  • "Don't rub the helicopter guy with the heart" - Jack Dunne
  • "The spleen is a wannabe kidney" - Daniel
  • "We're all packaging engineers at heart" - Daniel
  • "... is for the weak" - Ronan
  • "U wnt sum fuk?" -everyone
  • "lemme smash" -everyone
  • "Ain't communist parties the best?" - Ronan
  • "All my cats are inbred" - Oisin
  • "I love my onions when they're in something" - Daniel
  • "I thought something was shaking in my onion" - Fergus
  • "Hyena birthing videos are the worst" - Edward
  • "I can't wait to get pregnant and die" - Fergus
  • "Sarah why are you laughing at naked children?" - Callum
  • "So if you make children cry you can test for diabetes?" - Daniel
  • "Can we make a poster on childrens tears?" - Jack Doran
  • "But what about the packaging engineers?!" - Ella
  • "#savetheworldwithCrispr" - Kryspy T
  • "I have a glass eye" - Daniel "I have three" - Edward
  • "Nothing is superior to packaging engineers" - Jack Doran
  • "Consider the ethics of packaging engineering" - Ella
  • "Caoime hates everyone" - Daniel
  • "Bee Movie Script" - Chanted by everyone in unison
  • "Ethics is making the friggin' frogs gay" - Ronan
  • "Can I take a selfie with your knee?" - Fergus
  • "When he dies can we use him as a cadaver?" - Edward
  • "Are you guys interested in dru-" "DRUGS" - Everyone
  • "Ectasy!!" - Frank
  • "Who stole the teachers knee this time?" - Oisin
  • "Your knee smells nice" - Ciara
  • "He has a knee fetish?" - Edward
  • "Tell us the knee story!" - Caoime
  • "Just blow up the scales" - Jack Dunne
  • "We have use of the lumps" - Fergus
  • "Wait, once you slice it in half with a guillotine, what do you ask the mermaid?" - Fergus
  • "Kill me" - Caoime
  • "It's a wellington boot!" - Edward
  • "We were never told we can't feel it" - Fergus
  • "How do faces work?" - Caoime
  • "Bring your TNT please" - Ella
  • "Speaker one says 'fat cat' speaker two says 'man' speaker three says 'no not man' then speaker four says 'he said fat'" - Edward
  • "You're a good gay frog" - Fergus
  • "Methajuana" - Callum
  • "If a cannibal only ate brain dead people, would they be vegetarian?" - Fergus
  • "It's all because of you! You're the reason I had a dream I pulled an octopus!" - Oisin
  • "It's so bony" - Caoime
  • "If I had to pick betwern my daddy amd my boyfriend I wouldn't have to because they're the same person." - Sarah
  • "I'm about the loose my McDonald's virginity" - Ella
  • "Why did you use a fork as washing powder?" - Fergus
  • "It's yo boy, SKINNY SEPTUM" -Hermione
  • "We'll do all the drugs by the end of study" - Aoife

CTYI Film Studies

  • "It's like sex but all the time and in front of everyone!" - Eoin
  • "Why do we need to keep the elderly" - Órla
  • "It happens to poor people so we should kill all of them" - Cuán
  • "I agree we should burn all baby hospitals" - Cónán
  • "John Lennon invented Leninism" - Myles
  • "If we killed all the old people and ate them" - Cuán
  • "Rather than killing all elderly people we should put them in four slave labour camps" - Cónán
  • "This is inefficient we should just leave them in a hole to die" - Cuán
  • "They can dig it themselves" - Cónán
  • "Tell them they're going to the Bahamas and shoot them into the sun" - Cónán
  • "Human life is unimportant so we should kill everyone" - Eva
  • "Millennials are killing off racism" - Lian
  • "70 is a nice round number" - Doireann
  • "Now it's James' fault if someone eats their grandparents" - Kyriakos
  • "James just accused me of sexual harrassment because I told him he looked tasty!" - Cúán
  • "[My grandmother] is always complaining about how bad it is, why would I want to put her through it?!" - Doireann; "Just eat her.." - Cúán
  • "Fionn you don't have any talent whatsoever, how would you like to be an extra." - Myles
  • "Crossaints are part of a healthy diet" - Andrew (talking about Hollywood dying)
  • "Rory's ginger and gingers come from Satan" - Doireann; "In your opinion" - Aoife; "In everyone's opinion" - Doireann
  • "A bit of a dictatorship" - Fionn
  • "Shina is a big country" - Myles
  • "Big things are occasionally very good" - Myles
  • "You stand upon a tower of lies" - Cúán
  • "She gets a train ticket from spiderman" - Cúán, explaining Spirited Away
  • "You bunch of inbreds" - Cúán
  • "This is so typical of you Kyriakos you're such a disappointment" - Cúán
  • "This isn't yaaw this is naaaw" - Everyone
  • "I'm not disabled I'm just disadvantaged" - Doireann
  • "I'm mise-en-freezing" - Doireann
  • "You're tearing us apart James" - Cúán
  • "I'm a rascal" - Andrew
  • "Can we make him go back to Greece" - Cúán
  • "eh eh eh" - Eoin

CTYI Game Theory

  • "That's just a theory- A GAME THEORY" -Ethan
  • "Is this International Relations 1?" -People from International Relations 1
  • "Tescos is communism" -Aislinn
  • "So then the happy pear guys were my role models. Right up there with batman. And Kendrick Lamar." -Iarlaith
  • "The story of why I was born in Cork: So my parents had sex in Eritrea. But the death rate is so high. I could die. My mum could die. So I was born in cork." -Iarlaith
  • "They wouldn't let you dissect your own dad's body, because that would be a bit weird." -Hannah
  • "All paths are walks but not all walks are paths." -Íosaf
  • "Draw a graph. A finite graph though, so we're not here all day." - Brian (TI)
  • "Is rain insurance a thing?" - Aisling
  • "I bought it before it was racist" - Aisling
  • "Kill the Italians, no one gives a shit about Milan." - Aisling
  • "Do you have wet dreams? No wait, is that just for little kids?" - Tiernan
  • "Sidious became emperor, Yoda went to live in a swamp, and Anakin became disabled." - Iarlaith
  • "She's into people that look like her dad!" - Aisling
  • "I literally would not be able to be with someone like my mam" - Aisling
  • *Iarlaith writing on chalkboard*
  • "Do you even have chalk Iarlaith?" - Brian (TI)
  • "Iarlaith, put your clothes on properly." - Brian (TI)
  • "I will send you down to the office with a note in your file saying that you refuse to wear clothes in class." - Brian (TI)
  • "That was a stupid point because you're a stupid face." - Brian (TI)
  • "Let's eradicate black!" - Alex
  • "That's why I should have stayed black" - Alex
  • "We cured black! We cured black!" - Alex
  • "My superhero name is 'The Gay', I use eye lasers to cure heterosexuality " - Íosaf
  • slams table*"NOBODY SAID CHERRIES!" - Aisling
  • "I'm not salty, I know well I can get laid better than any blonde "- Íosaf
  • "Maybe the detective should detect if he has a brain" - Niall
  • "He detec, but he also attac" - Niall
  • "I don't make it about sex, sex makes it about me" - Íosaf
  • "It's an aquatic bird" "Parrot. Seagull! DOLPHIN!" - Alice
  • "Have you ever had a penguin 'round to tea, take a look at me, a penguin you will see" - Game Theory
  • "Are we the KKK?" - Íosaf
  • "Becca smoked one marijuanas and died instantly, no, permanently" - Liam
  • "If yoda was taller he would have won" - Alex
  • "What's a doggo, a big ol' pupper?" -Brian (TI)
  • "So suppose I'm madly in love with Joe," -Brian (TI)
  • "The robot can't tell me that Joe isn't madly in love with me" -Brian (TI)
  • "I really don't want to be here" -Joe (on multiple occasions)
  • -Hannah- "I'm actually losing the will to live" Joe (TA)- "The window's right there"
  • "TEAM REDHEADS!" "Team redheads is like team instinct, Holy shit" -Liam
  • "Iarlaith's twice the vegan you'll ever be" -Liam
  • "No, don't help me do it, help me get my life in order" -Hannah, whilst looking at fine memes
  • "Donald Trump's head is fascinatingly large" -Hannah
  • "What came first, the market or the gorilla?" -Unknown
  • "Is that not just making memes?" -Joe, looking 100% done with the Meme Theory group
  • "PRANKED" -Liam
  • "Nukes R Bad" -Liam, on whether or not Iran has nuclear weapons
  • "Your cookie dough nearly gave me an orgasm!" -Iarlaith
  • "I'm the goat guy" -Ethan
  • "Where are my sponges?" -Ethan
  • "Ok everyone, it's not funny anymore, who has my sponges?!" -Ethan
  • "Escort the young man to his quarters" - Liam (when Brian told Joe to bring someone to the bathroom)
  • "Greedy algorithm" - Brian, "A symptom of capitalism" - Ethan
  • "Can you simplify the fancy talk?" - Ethan, "How simple?" - Brian, "Five words" - E, "Wikipedia good, game theory good" - B
  • "My banana is still intact" - Ethan
  • "Liam dabbed" - Niall, "That's it he's going down as casual classmate" - El
  • "Mafia" - Liam, after running out of the circle, jumping over a chair, and dabbing
  • "Tiernan Brosnan" - Everyone
  • "You know the way I quarantine people, I put them into a cult." - Aislinn
  • "I'm not a morning bird I'm not a night owl I'm some sort of constantly exhausted pigeon" - Hannah
  • "A disease a day keeps the doctor away" - Aislinn, "No it keeps them in business" - Rebecca

CTYI International Relations A

  • "I talk to myself with my hands" - Zac
  • "His genitalia weren't in the cookie dough" - Rebecca
  • "Everyone look how big Michael's snake is!" - Michael
  • "You're the one who said you'd sleep with his thirteen year old sister" - Rónán
  • "Sweat shops are actually great" - Jonathan
  • "I think he's just a twenty year old man who just loves kids" - Liadáin
  • "What's a snek?" - Michael
  • "Why are we acting like the KKK's rhyming dictionary?" - Liadáin
  • "Let's play nin-gaa!" - Michael
  • "I love you daddy!" - Ben (To TA Michael)
  • "Just like a chocolate milkshake … only CRUNCHY" - Ben
  • "I want to slit my jugular with a fidget spinner" - Ben
  • "Make your mind up are you granny or daddy" - Anonymous
  • "There's a difference between taking part of your income and taking you" - Seán (On slavery and taxes)
  • "Can we curse during our presentation?" - Dara
  • "They want them nipple people in the circus" - Michael
  • "Everything is legal in Bill Cosby's house" - Theo
  • "Shank Shank" - Michael
  • "Come into my clubhouse" - Theo
  • "I'm 6'4 I could fall on top of you like a vending machine" - Michael (TA)
  • "You're not digging through my armpit hair" - Theo
  • "DRINK CANS, BUG TIPS, BE STICK" - Our Lord and Saviour, GoodChapJosh
  • "How many nipples do you have?" - Theo
  • "I'm from Templeogue - the original hood" - Alisha
  • "My name is Michael Sharry I am legend I live in a box" - Everyone
  • "I only know one family without electricity" - Michael
  • "Eat vegetables off my loins" - Alisha
  • "Can you do a pterodactyl impression?" - Eoin
  • "That sweet succulent Dingle accent" - Ben
  • " Just stop being poor" - Jonathan
  • "You're taking all the nuance out of the situation" - Jonathan
  • "Eoin is having intercoursal relations" - Theo
  • "For just €2 a day you can help the homeless" - Ben
  • "They were rolling around on the ground in the quad"
  • "Will do backflips for oreos" - Alisha
  • "I'll goggle it" - Michael
  • "I'm a 9-5 vegan" - Theo
  • "Do you ever ride your sheep?" - Alisha
  • "Yah I ride my sheep into battle" - Theo CM
  • "You can't be a milk enthusiast, you drink ricemilk!" - Theo
  • "Is this game theory?"
  • "Do you like any songs not about tractors?" - Michael (TA)
  • "Congratulations you passed the test! You're in the Navy SEALS!"
  • "Is this what Stalin felt like?" - Michael (TA)
  • "Danny DeVito? More like Daddy DeVito" - Alisha
  • "9 inches isn't that long" - Alisha
  • "How could you be your brother's son?" - Ben
  • "My kink is making friends" - Alisha
  • "Don't shave your head, it'll look like you rob horses for a living" - Alisha
  • "The housing crisis in Dublin is really bad. I live in a caravan. We only just got running water last week." - Alisha
  • "Breadsticks and masturbation" - Alisha and Elena
  • "Lets go through the construction site again!" - Michael (TA)
  • "I'm like spaghetti - I'm straight until things get steamy" - Alisha
  • "Have you ever been to China?" - Alisha
  • "No but I've been to Chinatown in New York" - Michael (TA)
  • " Wow Michael you're so cultured" - Alisha
  • "Does that make me his space concubine?"
  • "It must have been a platonic motorboating then" - Theo
  • "I got syphilis from the cookie dough" - Alisha
  • "Hey I'm not judging I got chlamydia from the penguin" - Elena
  • "I lost my oreo virginity" - Elena

Elena stop checking out the builder with the pecs" - Theo

  • "See you fuckers later *finger guns*" - Jonathan
  • "You have a dirty mind" - Liadáin

"No I have a sexy imagination" - Jonathan

  • "The only thing I catch are stds" - Alisha
  • "Can I draw Theresa May running through the wheat fields?" - Liadáin
  • "I can't believe that I did a slut drop in the middle of the canteen on a Sunday morning" - Alisha
  • "Come to apartment V130 for ALL your needs" - Elena and Alisha
  • "What or more specifically WHO did you do to get these oreos?" - Elena

"ALL of game theory" - Alisha

  • "Who took my vegetables?" - Theo
  • "Hoo-rah!" - Michael (TA)
  • "Is this a test?" -Theo

"No just do it" - Michael ^20 mins later^ "Alright everyone hand up your tests" - Michael "YOU LIED!"! - Theo

  • "Big time less of the racism" - Michael
  • "Kinky" - Alisha and elena in unison
  • "If you're good I'll do impressions for you"
  • "I know better than them (on people working in sweatshops)" - Jonathan
  • "I've got an std loyalty card - you get free Starbucks every time you get 8 stds" - Alisha
  • "I've got all the stds - GASH, Syphilis. You name it I've got it" - Alisha
  • "Ahh the sweet succulent asmr voice" - Ben
  • "If someone doesn't take this shirt and wash it tomorrow I'll get my brother after you and he like myself is from Dublin and possesses a large set of knives. So we all know how this ends lads" - Alisha
  • "Does anyone have scissors" - Laura

"No but I have knives back in my room" - Alisha

  • "You stole my vegetables dairy intolerant bitch" - Theo
  • "We looked up nose porn" - Eoin Theo and Ben
  • "You're the alpha Theo now" - Alisha
  • "Hey do you want some vegetables, I can give you a really good deal on some" - Theo
  • "We are gonna do your party Vatican style Michael" - Theo
  • "Let's go sit in the stone circle - Michael (TA)

"OH YESS!"- Alisha "Hey less of that!" - Michael (TA)

  • "Elena and I are both going to mass tomorrow we need to repent for our sins" - Alisha

"We have a LOT of sins that need forgiving" - Elena

  • "That was orgasmic" - Alisha
  • "Oh my god this lipgloss looks like cum!" - Alisha

"You have a lot of experience with it so you would know" - Elena

  • "Was I the only one who heard std every time she said sdg?" - Elena
  • "Yah baby show me what them hyperextendable elbows do!" - Alisha

CTYI International Relations B

  • "Hi I'm Saoirse and I actually wanted to do Novel Writing but this seems interesting enough" -Saoirse
  • "As you can probably tell from my face, I'm German" -Thamil
  • "My students will assassinate you, they are intellectual assassins" -Thamil
  • "Well that pisses off the other superpowers." "That's what Russia does" -Colm and Paul
  • "Molly is defending human rights!" "We don't care about that, we're Russia" "That's... reasonably fair" -Colm, Rían, and Christopher
  • "Russian people like to party" -Paul
  • "Official Russia Statement: Give Up Ukraine" -Paul
  • "Would you not agree that everything east of Germany, Russia" -Paul
  • "Afghanistan is, like, the one that got away" -Paul
  • "Typical, sleeping with the Russians" -Colm, to Jess
  • "Sorry for being late. For me, as a German, it was painful" -Thamil
  • "Have you ever done public speaking? You just look at everyone and speak. It's like 90% confidence" -Paul
  • "There are times in life when you just have to stand up and do the right thing" -Thamil
  • "That's quote nepotism" -Paul
  • "I know how to deal with them. You leave them to their fidget spinners and don't talk to them. And if they crawl under a table you leave them alone" -Rían, on scouts
  • "Russia: The Hottest Thing Since U2" -Paul
  • "Be willing to question" -Thamil
  • "That's enough talk from the Pope" -Thamil
  • "The US is the US. Daniel is an atypical American, he's a good person" -Thamil
  • "That's why I'm pro death penalty" "Well, it was brave of you to come out" -Cormac and Thamil
  • "My favourite hip-hopper, Tupac" -Thamil
  • "You have a Peter face" -Thamil, to Paul
  • "Ireland has no political influence, even here" -Molly
  • "There is the fact that the U.K. tried to starve us 200 years ago" "And we're still kicking" -Molly and Colm
  • "Do you mean you don't know everyone in Galway?" -Molly, to Jess
  • "A fully grown Kilkenny specimen" -Rían, on Paul
  • "You're looking at it in the mouth, I'm looking at it from the ass, two different ways into the same thing" -Molly
  • "You may draw whatever you please" "Can we use colours??" -Christopher and Kurt
  • "Thanks Rían" -Everyone debating pro EU
  • "My friend wants 8 kids" "That's like 9 too many" -Sarah and Kurt
  • "He shaved half his hair off" "Did he apologise later?" -Molly and Kurt
  • "I have rope in my room" -Alex
  • "Small people live way longer it's okay" -Kurt, to Jess
  • If small people live longer why isn't Paul dead yet" "He's dead inside" -Colm and Alex
  • "I got pregnant all over her room" -Rionach
  • "How do you get post in North Korea?" "You don't" -Sarah and Molly
  • "Is North Korea in the UN?" "Yes" "So they DO get post!" -Molly, Thamil, and Sarah
  • "Fredom" -Sarah
  • "You can take my hat, but you can never take my Fredom" -Colm
  • "Lots of burocracy going on in the background there" -Kurt
  • "Every time I get an email from my supervisor I pee my pants" -Thamil
  • "Alliences happen, that's International Fucking Relations" -Kurt
  • "I need to have mercy on my friend Paul here, he's starving! He's looking at me like "Thamil please no more questions let me have food"" -Thamil
  • "Can we meditate loudly?" -Keelin
  • "Rionach snores loudly in class"
  • "Fung schwa" -Molly
  • "Sexuchy" -Molly
  • "Why are you so pro Human Centipede?" -Alex, to Rían
  • "You'd be Hedwig, because I don't give a hoot about what you say" -Colm, to Jess
  • "I take off my hat when I talk about the Lord" -Sarah
  • "You can get whatever you want if you groan hard enough" -Molly, to Jess
  • "You don't throw stones at a glass house, and your house is made of fucking paper mache" -Paul, to Jess, on her height
  • "Are you not qualified enough to be a model?" -Sarah, to Rían
  • "Most of the people I shift are like a 5" -Rionach
  • "Paul does like 20 push-ups every night" "More like 1000, I don't sleep like" -Rían and Paul
  • "You have low standards anyway" -Keelin, to Rionach
  • "I like younger looking lads" "Just like priests" -Jess and Rían
  • "One person left the class. Apparently I failed completely failed" -Thamil
  • "There are some freaks on the planet who think it's okay to write a short article of 80 pages" -Thamil
  • "My parents whooped my ass to become a feminist" -Thamil
  • "Hadron colliders don't fit through doorways Alex" -Paul
  • "Maybe we should split up and search for clues" -Paul
  • "She's arm shaming me, that's so sexist" -Paul
  • "We abandon Alex on a daily basis, he's like the Alaska to our USA" -Rían
  • "Don't trust the experts. You guys are the experts" -Rían, on Brexit
  • "Whatsoever" -Thamil
  • "Until today" -Thamil
  • "Vladimir Putin and the Lads" -Senator
  • "We know what Remain means - no Brexit. Leave? That's a land of unicorns and fairies where Winston Churchill rises from the grave to lead us all" -Senator
  • "That air is clean, know why? Europe said so" -Senator
  • "The RAs are going to make trouble to me again" -Thamil
  • "Who's the slut, me or Sarah?" "Well who's got several guys going at the same time?" -Jess and Sarah
  • "I'm a big minion fan" -Thamil
  • "Technically I don't exist" -Daniel
  • "You look like a Laura" -Thamil, to Sarah
  • "Be cynical of all information" -Christopher
  • "Putin: one of the greatest (political) movers and shakers" -Christopher
  • "St Petersburg has just been bombed. The Russian people are demanding blood. What do you want?" "Ukraine" -Christopher and Rían
  • "Stop the racket, Watson!" -Cormac
  • "Did you just draw the communist symbol?" "No..." -Molly and Peter
  • "When I say nuke the Chinese I mean put the takeaway in the microwave" -Peter
  • "You have a Paul face" -Thamil, to Peter
  • "You have the whole world ahead of you, so go and conquer it" -Thamil
  • "When a Dutch person speaks German they're so cute I just want to cuddle them and be like "come here and speak German to me"" -Thamil
  • "Ja, we hate you. But we actually like you" -Thamil
  • "What goes on a trip the weekends at CTYI?" "Shopping and Shifting" -Thamil and Rían
  • "You keep shifting" -Thamil
  • "We'll do the research between shifts" "Molly come here I don't trust ye together" -Colm and Thamil
  • "But I'm not afraid of death" " You can't be afraid of anything, you're dead!" -Cormac and Peter in Werewolf
  • "The pros and cons of nipples" -Alex
  • "I'm Supreme Leader Adams" -Rían
  • "I had so much faith in you" "That was your mistake like" -Molly and Paul
  • "Am I tall or am I just really close up?" -Paul
  • "We're not assholes we're merely adventurers" -Paul
  • "It's lush" -Paul
  • "Is chicken toastable?" -Peter
  • "My man Paul" -Thamil
  • "You can call me whatever you want Thamil" -Jess
  • "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night like "shit my thesis is going to kill me"" -Thamil
  • "My mobile phone was killed by a drunk idiot" -Thamil
  • "I made you all brownies as I was so excited to see you" *Molly cries*
  • "Hufflepuffs are terrible at everything, I'm just terrible at most things" -Paul
  • "You have to be a Slytherin - you're blond and you have a weird haircut" -Paul, to Rían
  • "Nothing says pacifist like holding a massive gun" -Paul
  • "Extreme armourment is just a form of pacifism" -Paul
  • "Violence is a lot like sex" -Officer
  • "You look like a Game of Thrones reject" -Officer, to Rían
  • "Complete silence is needed after you turn the page *turns page* "How long do we have?" -Christopher and Sarah
  • "Nothing says romance like a tap on the head. Or a tap in general" -Jess
  • "You died" "Oh thank god" -Peter and Saoirse, werewolf
  • "This isn't Paul for President, it's Paul for Getting Lynched" -Peter
  • "You've killed two innocent people already!" -Kurt, to Molly
  • "That's the good thing about Russia - everyone's opinion is respected if you're a highly ranking government official" -Rían
  • "Lorcan got me up after like a solid 5 minutes of banging" -Colm
  • "I'm like the United Nations - blatantly ignored" -Thamil
  • "Oh yeah Peter put on some Frank Sinatra, fly me to the moon" -Paul
  • "Who likes Meryl Streep?? I do" -Thamil
  • "These are such exquisite lyrics" -Saoirse, listening to Colt 45
  • "There are no heroes in real life, reality doesn't allow for heroes" -Sarah
  • "Whenever I see another brown person they always stop and stare at me like "I thought I was the only one" -Thamil
  • "Peter's just hard all the time" -Molly
  • "I can't get over the fact that I sat in the same chair as Michael Collins" -Jess
  • "I'd give my firstborn child to Thamil" -Kate
  • "Thats Mother Russia in a picture" -Colm
  • "We don't need no education" "You're literally at a summer school" -Paul and Molly
  • "It's really painful because your hole just keeps getting bigger" -Saoirse
  • "Sausage day is the best day" -Molly
  • "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" -Molly
  • "Is this about Communist Russia?" "Everything in this group is about Communist Russia" -Jess and Molly
  • "Marriage is like the ultimate fuck you to happiness, or so my parents say" -Paul
  • "Debate the shit out of them, I want to see them cry and crawl out of the lecture hall" -Thamil, on the debate with Law
  • "I saw today a meme on Facebook" -Thamil
  • "Hot chocolate is like pouring a liquid orgasm down your throat" -Rían
  • "I really want to learn how to pole dance" -Molly
  • "The wifi on the coconut fields of Sri Lanka is better than this" -Thamil
  • "Beneath my hard, Clint Eastwood-like exterior there's a softer Clint Eastwood-like interior" -Paul
  • *Thamil plays Eye of the Tiger to get pumped for the Law debate*
  • "I BEG you to oppose" -Peter
  • "Don't go back to Mother Russia with my food" -Molly
  • "Slither away, snake" -Rían, to Keelin
  • "Hitler would've loved me, I'm a vegetarian Aryan" -Rían
  • "Give me boiling water and I'll make all your dreams come true" -Paul
  • "I think I hide my sociopathic tendencies well" -Rionach
  • "Sit with the Cork girls if you can remember their names" -Rían, to Paul
  • "You look like you're turned on by the carpet" "I think I am turned on by the carpet" -Molly and Jess
  • "You almost say something smart, and then you dab" -Molly, to Colm
  • "Seize the assets of young children" -Christopher
  • "I'm sexually attracted to that building, it's got hard edges and soft curves in all the right places" -Alex
  • "Oh look how crystal clear the Liffey is" "Crystal green, like. That's how you know it's safe to drink" -Rían and Paul
  • "That's a tasty chair" -Paul
  • "Physically older but mentally younger" -Cormac, about the class playing in the playground
  • "Stop digging Sarah, get out of that JCB" -Colm
  • "Nice coat! You hiding all your nuclear weapons under there?? That's what France wants to know" -Kate (France), to Jess (Israel)
  • "I do care about the environment, just not when it minorly inconveniences me" -Paul
  • "Utter what you think, echo what you feel, speak your mind always" -Thamil
  • "It's not a shame to fall, it's a shame not to get back up. Fall seven times but get up eight" -Thamil

CTYI Japanese Language & Culture

  • "I think there's a tangible difference between an anime character and black tar heroin" -Luke
  • "I never advocated the whipping of babies I just consolidated the whipping of babies" -Luke
  • "Y'all mind if I whip some babies?" -Dylan


  • "If you can't be the best, you might as well be the worst" -Cian on the first day
  • "I can't hear you I don't have my glasses on" -Ciara
  • "#MakeGalwayGreatAgain"
  • "As a Cullen, I can understand the need for blood" -Louise
  • "[Bangs knee on table] Oh pain! Much pain!" -Luke C
  • "Like the saying goes; Desperate something calls for desperate matters" -Robyn
  • "Gingers are the spawn of the devil" -Louise
  • "Gingers aren't a race, they're a species" -Iuliana
  • "I always thought Kildare was in a different time zone" -Zara
  • "[Discussing the Nuremburg Trials] Who's Nuremburg?" -Zara
  • "Did anyone else know that Christians and Catholics are the same thing?" -Zara
  • "Is Kerry in Wicklow?" -Zara
  • "Does my distaste for chicken not prove that I'm not from Wicklow?" -Mollie
  • "This is my urethra moment" -Luke C
  • "I am shocked! appalled! frustrated!" -Robyn and then everyone when opening a speech
  • "Us fine, strong, Munster people would bate the shit out of you Dun Laoghaire shite" -Mollie and Aaron to Cian
  • "If you put me on the quotes page, I'll sue you" -Spice Man
  • "[voting for debating team] Fuckers, this isn't the Eurovision, stop voting for your friends" -Aine
  • "You dress like a fuckboy" -Robyn
  • "Taste the rainbow, motherfucker!" -Evan
  • "I'm fourteen!" -Finn every time someone says he's twelve
  • "If you want a dog, ask for a horse" -Finn
  • "Finn, what the fuck does that mean" -Cian
  • "I like her 'neck tattoos' " -Evan
  • "Frat boys are just young male rapists" -Spice Man
  • "This would be so much easier if I was clairvoyent" "Who the fuck is Claire Voiant?" -Jack
  • "Hiiiiiiii Zaaaaaraaaaaaaa......" -Ronan and then everyone
  • "MOOT" -Everyone

CTYI Maths Experience

  • "With the diligence of a bee" - Billy
  • "Pixi Flawless No. 1 - 1 is considered to be the best primer in the world and therefore the number one is more prime than any other (primER)" - Harrison and Haritha
  • "Simplicate" - Haritha
  • "Complify" - Michael
  • "You guys can do the problem, I am numbering!" - Michael
  • "Let's look it up in the dictionary" - Billy
  • "Or we can go to the hardware store" - Billy
  • "Cian, 69-70, Modern Testament, and Jesus sayeth 'one shall always be a prime number'" - Cian
  • "That seems very lesbian of you Michael" - Ciara
  • "Card for talking" - David
  • "You're mine now" - Christina
  • "Hey friends!" - Megan
  • "Wait, what's the rules again?"- Ruairí
  • "I have a penis in my head"- Megan
  • "You're hurting my arm by making me gonup and down"- Cormac
  • "Are you drawing a word search- Ruairí
  • "I don't fit in"- Ruairí
  • "Cormac you can rub yourself"- Megan
  • "You can sit in the corner and rub yourself while everyone else plays monopoly"- Adam
  • "Daddy needs to be fed"- Cormac
  • "Zero zero zero is a hero,
  • "You never see an even hero Cause they're all totally odd Have you seen captain America He's so weird And what about iron man Totally odd Zero is a hero zero is a hero"- Megan Murray
  • "You know how the Chinese are"- Clara
  • "She's gonna get under the table and make Ruairí smile"- Adam
  • "She's gonna suck on my hoodie"- Ruairí
  • "Come on fuck nuggets, give it a run"- Ruairí
  • "It's not being a dick, it's justice"- Ruairí
  • "Ruairí is just an over complicated jukebox at this point"- Adam
  • "Ed Sheeran who??"- Megan
  • "I should've picked Medicine B"- Christina
  • "Parents before hoes"- Cormac
  • "It was locked but I fixed it"- Adam
  • "I'm slightly moist, oh no"- Cormac
  • "Don't be a cunt you cunt"- Adam
  • "Cormac do you want to try climb the black cock"- Adam
  • "You can't just shove it in"- Emer
  • "You could force my dick"- Adam
  • "Consensual sex. The worst kind"- Cormac
  • "How many faces on a four dimensional cube? I don't fucking know"- Cormac&Adam, Aidan
  • "Fucking knowledge"- Ruairí
  • "Emer couldn't handle this"- Christina
  • "To make something bigger it doesn't necessarily make it harder"- Harrison
  • "Why not you dick sucking cunt licking bitch prick?"-Cormac
  • "You're a special kind of special"- Christina
  • "Multiplication is just addin loads of times"- Emer
  • "You just got served"- Christina
  • "But the dog died so the parrots birthday is today"- Ruairí
  • "You look very nice today Ruairí.
  • "Aw thanks Cormac SYCHHHHHHHHH"- Cormac, Ruairí
  • "At least I need glasses you're just retarded"- Cormac
  • "Don't belittle the opposition
  • "They're belittling themselves"- Christina, Megan
  • "Megan you can come back as the better Christina"- Aidan
  • "That's ironic"- Adam
  • "Ruairí you need to open your ears
  • "Nah I'm too busy opening my heart"- Cormac, Ruairí
  • "That sounds suspiciously like a spastic on the floor"- Ruairí
  • "Did you just call me wrong?? My names Ruairí, we've been classmates for three weeks"- Ruairí
  • "Somebody sound the alarm cause I see fire"- Ruairí
  • "Cormac stop choking Megan
  • "It's consensual Oh okay"- Christina, Cormac
  • "We can eat apples together..."- Cormac, Adam, Megan
  • "Giving birth to you was the longest 36 hours of my life
  • "And getting pregnant was the best 36 hours"- Megan, Cormac

CTYI Medicine A

  • "Do you want a baby?"- Alison
  • "Im not ready yet put that back in"- Emma
  • "I saw Gods face and he was crying"- Charlie
  • "Don't get high off glue or tippex"- Khalid (TI)
  • "I am going to find that lid and shove it down your throat"- Beibhinn to Hugh
  • "Mup the sesh"- Everyone
  • "Im not a dictator, not like you guys"- Khalid (TI)
  • "FIND MY LID"- distressed Khalid (TI)
  • "I think elephants have really really wrinkly brains and ras have smooth brains"- Charlie
  • "In my 7 little friends I store the porridge"- Khalid (TI)
  • "I like the balls"- Aisling
  • "Geez that's great suction"- Emma
  • "Im actually chocking on my stomach"- Holly
  • "It was just a sup"- Alison right before she drank it all
  • "How big is your mouth, how much can you fit in it?!"- Aisling to Alison
  • "Trinity is a baptism of fire"- Niamh (TA)
  • "It looks like a sausage roll"- Aisling referring to a body at 'Real Bodies'
  • "Who put my banana in my pencil case"- Emma
  • "Omg its a dancing sausage"- Hugh

CTYI Medicine B

  • "So like who wants to hear about the time I was exorcised"-Hailey
  • "Maybe if I ignore it it will go back in"-Hailey
  • "Technically it doesn't happen but if you need to get a cannule in you need to get a cannule in" -Andy (TI)
  • "of course you recommend everyone to rehab"-Andy (TI)
  • "Oh the other med class let's hop em"-Rían (TA)
  • "Business in the front party in the back" -Jessica K
  • "What's you're brothers name??" -Caoimhe
  • "Is the child tastes salty you don't have long for the world" -Andy (TI)
  • "What do we do to test for cystic fibrosis"-Andy (TI) "lick?"-Killian
  • "Wait are you not gay?!" - Caoimhe *Killian- bright red*
  • "Wait did ye bully killian into leaving the room"-Rían (TA)
  • "bypass more like buy snacks"-Caoimhe
  • "You know when white people are like 'oh I don't see colour' yeah I just didn't register you"-Hailey
  • "Children grow that's their job"-Andy (TI) "so if you don't grow ur unemployed"-Killian "that's not a good joke"-Rían (TA)
  • "congrats you just drowned a person"-Siadbh
  • "yeah that books a bit dense"-Andy (TA) "same"-Caoimhe
  • "you think you're 100% straight then ur teacher walks in and ur just like mmmm"-Killian
  • "Kellie would be a terrible heart surgeon she can't tie Her shoes nevermind an artery"-Kelly L
  • "what goes on in Tipperary?"-Killian "bloodshed"-Kellie H
  • "what do an alcoholic and a neceophiliac have in common? They both like cracking open a cold one"-Padraig
  • "she's beauty she's keen she's Miss united spleen"-Kelly L
  • "glitter is the herpes of the makeup world...it never goes away"-Lisa
  • "nothin' but snakes and pigeons in dis town"-Kelly L
  • "megacolon that sounds like a WWE wrestler"-Kellie H
  • "lasso that fucker"-Hailey
  • "toxic mega ego"-Kellie H
  • "conspiracy theory Tuesday the dinosaurs didn't die they became spleens"-Saidbh
  • "where's the option for lover "-Kelly L
  • "Kellie have you done fucked up?"-Rían (TA)
  • "okay ill corner her later and I'll give you the signal and we can all beat the shit out of her "-Rían (TA)
  • "you heard it here first ,I fuck wallabies"-Killian
  • "why would you get a rickshaw?"-Saidbh "to get drugs"-Andy (TI)
  • "ill mega ur colon ;)"-Saidbh
  • "there's a party bus in galway...it's bright purple....it's like Chlamydia for your eyes"-Brendan
  • "oh it's so much worse without  the skin"-Kellie H
  • "worship the spleen"-everyone
  • "it's not dead if it's hydrated"-Denis
  • "do you even megaspleen bro"-Denis
  • "I've created a cult"- Andy (TI)
  • "is there a science where you just study chemistry?-Jessica O
  • "you know what they say about big spleens.."-Kellie H "shame Denis doesn't have a spleen"-Killian "ASK YOUR MOM LIL BOY"-Denis
  • "we have a shortage of balls in this class anyways"-Kelly L
  • "organs not orphans"-Siadbh
  • "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks"-Kelly L
  • "you don't intend to murder someone but you'll still be slapped with manslaughter"-Hailey
  • "hakuna metabolism"-Kellie H
  • "the worst thing I've ever seen is my donkey getting castrated"-Brendan
  • "finally rian can crack open a cold one"-Rían (TA)
  • "snakes don't hiss they tell you they have nothing done on their project and whip out a 20 minute power point"-Kellie H "no snakes don't hiss they tell you their presentation ain't shit then whip out the fact they've cured cancer"-Kelly L
  • "Caoimhe's too young to pull him, and he thinks she's gay....Caoimhe is too young and gay"- Kellie H

CTYI Neuroscience

  • "Oh Captain, My Captain" - Robert
  • "Axon Axoff" - Robert
  • "Daddy O'reilly" -Phil

CTYI Novel Writing

  • "Imagine having a nipple on your hand" - Cormac
  • "Do male cats even have nipples" - Muireann
  • "NippleBack is my favourite band" - Larisa
  • "If we could not have twincest that would be great" - Claire
  • "Come hither bae" - Hannah
  • "How to kill Cormac without getting caught:" - Claire
  • "I think cling film doesn't count..." -Cormac
  • "I'm gay"; "I can cure you of that" -Hannah
  • "I've lost the remains of Donkey!!" -Eoghan
  • "Eoghan, it's great to see you finally found a friend" (talking about Donkey, the alligator slingshot who later died) -Claire
  • "I'm going to have to write up a report about how a student left study to have a spicebag now" - Serena, TA
  • "Cormac we've spoken before about how I can't do executions during classtime" - Claire
  • "Children are just bad novels" -Cormac
  • "Your real friends would never let you down. No, sorry, your imaginary friends. You don't have real friends." -Claire
  • "I'm from Romania, I know people who own goats. I OWNED a goat once." -Larisa
  • "Cavan is a beautiful country" - Shauna, TA
  • "This is a period of conversation I'm going to ignore" - Shauna; "If that was a period pun it was bloody awful" - Brianna
  • "I'm going to go get a tissue because I'm sick of myself" - Cormac
  • "We don't have hayfever in America" -Gemma
  • "LYNCH THE MINI-T'S!" -Claire
  • "Do you know what's better than being erotic in fiction? Being erotic in real life." - Cormac
  • "No knives! You're not allowed knives in here!" - Brianna
  • "I came here for lesbians; not for gay fucking men." - Serena
  • "What? Fisting? Where?" - Ella
  • "So you're not meant to drink? Yup. *vodka shot*" - Claire
  • "It's off to class - lunch - fuck! - we go!" - Emma
  • "I still want to adopt you a little bit." - Claire
  • "I read ugly is gay." - Ella
  • "It's the gay version of Paper Towns." - Larisa
  • "Can we kill people? I'm not talking about the plot. Just in general." - Julia
  • "I'll kill you with a fork and eat you for breakfast." - Brianna
  • "The snake oil is magic." - Ella
  • "Every time they say game, I hear gay." - Elliot
  • "Small puppies with sweet chili sauce." - Claire
  • "I think you're trying to be depression." - Brianna
  • "Small dogs? Oh, I heard spot logs and I didn't know what it was, so I was scared it was code for drugs." - Claire
  • "I just heard 'I ate most kittens'." - Ella
  • "I'm rubbing you against my penis." - Serena
  • "Dragons can't consent." - Cormac
  • "Why is it so hard to butter these sponges?" - Aoife
  • "How did you mix up Polaroids and porn?" - Cormac
  • "I swear, the only thing I can think of when I'm counting you is Gotta Catch 'Em All. I'm meant to have twenty, but I only have eighteen. Oh no! But suddenly, a wild Elliot appears!" - Shauna, TA
  • "Neo-nazis are my favourite flavour of ice cream." - Ella
  • "Someone thought my name was ribena." - Brianna
  • "Cinderella with the coe tutting." - Elliot
  • "It's a big bag of cans, not a big bag of can'ts." - Claire
  • "So you can be dead and fuck people, but I can't watch stepsister porn?" - Hannah
  • "Why was there a furry at the Green Day concert?" - Julia
  • "Don't diss them. You'll incur their furry." - Serena
  • "We need to formulate porn." - Ella
  • "I'm gonna be a great lesbian." - Ella
  • "Do you hear that squeak? That's chair sex." - Ella
  • "The beatings will continue until morale improves." - Cormac
  • "Om nom nom, motherfuckers." - Serena
  • "My internet is bleeding. Why?" - Serena
  • It was attempted prostitution." - Cormac
  • "The floor is always there for you when you fall." - Brianna
  • "Everyone's allowed to molest people with those porn alien tentacle things." - Serena
  • "Don't quote me on that." - Cormac
  • "In a lot of books, you have the boy and he gets the girl and they do the sex and the *kissy noises*." - Cormac
  • "Can I just point out that the first thing I heard when I walked in the door was incest?" - Serena
  • "It's like if you kill someone and have sex with them to bring them back to life." - Ella
  • "Okay, but is it necrophilia if you fuck them back to life?" - Serena
  • "I've never been quoted." - Alex
  • "That was a horgy." - Harry
  • "I'm going to miss you like a blind man misses a dartboard." - Cormac

CAT Criminology A

  • "Thanks, Hitler" -Rory (the TA)
  • "But if someone is forcing drink down your throat...." -Ivan
  • "Where is this place where drinks are being forced down people's throats and how do I get there?" -Rory
  • "I WAS RACIALLY PROFILED ONCE!" -Paul, the teacher who is a cis, possibly het white male
  • "Genocide is the best" -Alana
  • "My favourite word is birb" -Cathal
  • "I would call Rory daddy" -everyone in both classes at some point
  • "Everything's legal when there's no cops around" -Cathal
  • "Dammit Toby!" -everyone
  • "I support castration" -Paul
  • "We should castrate them!" -Everyone when talking about punishment
  • "Let's just play mafia" -Rory during EVERY study
  • "If I were to go and punch Rory in the face...." -Paul
  • "OBJECTION!!" -All the barristers in the mock trial
  • "No I'm telling you, EVERYONE here is gay" -Rory to Paul
  • "I don't have schizophrenia!" -Mrs.Viktimm, a schizophrenic
  • "I noticed the penguin, I just didn't look at him because I was afraid of bursting out laughing" -Paul

CAT Criminology B

  • "Point of information!" -Everyone
  • "Can we just tell them to fuck off?" -James, about criminology A
  • "Ellen, take the knives out of your socks" -Oisin from Monaghan
  • "But if there's 5 workers on one track and 1 on another and you can push a fat Nazi onto the tracks and the workers are also communists are you a criminal according to the moral view held by most of society?" -everyone
  • "Look at him nursing that penguin. What a maternal figure" -Elle, talking about Nathan
  • "AMY DARCYYYYYY" -everyone
  • "Death penalty!" -everyone
  • "Seize the means of production" -commies
  • "He's seizing the means of reproduction" - Jason, when anyone asked about his crotch buddy
  • "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie thaaaaat's amore!" -Adam and James
  • "WHAT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND?" -Elle from the back of the room during the mock trial
  • "I noticed the penguin, I just didn't look at him because I was afraid of bursting out laughing" -Paul
  • "SiNathan" -Claire
  • "We could have a 3 strike system where the first 2 times we cut off their hands and the third time their head with a thousand degree knife...thousand degree knife vs criminal challenge"
  • "does anyone know how we select judges?" -Rory "OOH! Flip a coin 5 times!" -Jason
  • "Oh shots fired!" "Doesnt matter, the guards will take 30 minutes to get here" -Alex
  • "Flip the coin 5 times to determine who gets heads and who gets tails"
  • "Yurt" -Elle
  • "*an entire chairperson speech in a robotic voice*" -Fredrick
  • "Noot Noot" - Fredrick
  • "12 and a half men" -Jason
  • "Fight me Bitch" - Amy Darcy

CAT Novel Writing

  • "Brian, you have a new fanclub" - Ruán

CAT Social Psychology

  • "Spaghetti men are not a common feature of Celtic Neopaganism" - Cas/Sophie
  • "You can put cocaine in tea?" - Ciaran

RAs, TAs and Teachers

  • "If you put me on the quotes page, I'll sue you" -Michael (Law)
  • "Don't do anything I would do if someone wasn't watching" - Ian
  • "Do not put toast in me..." - Aaron
  • "Hey, pals!" - Noah
  • "I don't think it's a cist, it looks more like a pimple" -Michael, as Matheson representatives walk in behind him
  • "Our Father, who art in Heaven" - Andy
  • "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE! I bring you, cup." - Andrew
  • "A-A-RON!" - Aaron's RA group
  • "Oh sweet Jesus almighty not again" - Ruth
  • "Ah now aren't yee lovely" - Sarah
  • "Jesus Christ I thought Doctor Who was a kids show" - Paul
  • "It's ok they won't get angry over vomit" - Brian
  • "Room, not The Room" - Aoife
  • "I encompass and I eclipse" - Aaron, via smol Andrew's snapchat story.
  • "Student number 15 is Fergus, who is no longer with us" - James
  • "We need to seize the means of production" - James
  • "That's just fantastic" - Paul
  • "GUYS SHUT UP" - Dylan
  • "Let's not talk about the most efficient ways to kill industrial quantities of people" - James
  • "It's better for paperwork to just dispatch everyone" - James
  • "How about is it ever right to kill anyone, just in general" - James
  • "That was weak, Myles, that was a weak ass pun" - James
  • "If someone eats their grandparents it's Cúán's fault" - James
  • "Six legs on the floor please" - Aoife (TA)
  • "Do you want to take it out" - Aoife (TA)
  • "Davin comes swingin' for memes" - Davin (TA)
  • "Padraig no time for friendship" - James
  • "Harry Potter land, formerly known as Hogwarts" - Aoife
  • "If you're gonna comment on her head size she's allowed rebuttal" - Aoife
  • "One bant for you, one bant for you, bants for all!" - Aoife
  • "Less of that!" - Michael(IRA TA)
  • "What do you do when the kids keep touching you?" - Michael(IRA TA)
  • "This is not a democracy, this is a dictatorship, I am a dictator" - Aoife
  • "You know what I said about smiling at your crotch" - Noah
  • "Death to all the non Michaels!" - Michael (IRA TA)
  • "That's fresh." - Paul
  • "Where are you going with that traffic cone?" - Aaron
  • "I couldn't relate to the characters because they weren't me" - Aoife
  • "I'll fall on you like a vending machine" - Michael (IRA TA)
  • "Later nerds *fingerguns*" - James
  • "...or you'll be sent down to Law" - Aoife
  • "Get off me, get off me, get off me" - Michael (IRA TA)
  • "Do not put babies in the gentleman" - Aaron
  • "You're mine now" - Christina
  • "They're really lovely people, just easy targets" - Sarah
  • "10/10 would let you cut me open again." - Sarah
  • "I'm gonna shush so hard." - Noah
  • "Wait a minute. Where's daddy?" - Noah
  • "Petshop, Dick." - Noah
  • "'No thanks,' said Dick. 'You mean there's a bigger one in the Southern hemisphere?'" - Noah
  • "Okay, so tomorrow, there's going to be water appreciation." - Noah
  • "I'm not sure if typewriters are contraband" -Brian (Game Theory)
  • "Stop playing chess and focus on the damn game theory" - Brian
  • "Guys! Maths isn't funny! Stop!" - Brian
  • "Iarlaith you forgot your goats" - Brian
  • "Thwarting the evil communists, as usual" - Brian
  • "There exists an example in history where one state wasn't a huge mean person to another" - Brian
  • "You're learning Yale economics now. Please go home and tell your parents that" - Brian
  • "Has everyone heard of the Nobel prize?" - Brian, "It's pointless" - Joe (probably)
  • "Ethan please take off the bowl" - Brian
  • "I realise you came to CTYI to make friends and I'm sorry that I've ruined that" - Brian
  • "you is kind you  is smart you is a dote"-Sarah (RA)
  • "Do whatever you want just dont get caught" -Niamh
  • "So what's the goss?" -niamh
  • "Youre leaving after 2 weeks? That's transphobic!" -Noah
  • "Hustle, hustle, hustle!" -Aodán


  • "No one can give out to me for rubbing myself" - Oisin
  • "My job is to sleep with children" - Ben
  • "I'm taken" - Ruán
  • "FINCHES" - Ciarán
  • "Vanity is the best policy" - Me
  • "Hey dddy" - Ruán (On FB Messenger)
  • "I don't know what sound I'm making. It's just noise, also I'm vibrating" - Ruán
  • ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) - ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • "Stalin did less wrong than people say he did" - Max (This is a joke and if you can't see that get a sense of humour or learn what context is).
  • "The Powerhouse of the cell!!!" - Everyone
  • "Do you say dressing gown or hoover?" -Cian
  • "Brian ran up to the monsters and shouted NO TALKING!"- Random Text To Speech Engine.
  • "G'BH'UED'MON" - Hugh.
  • "An All Star MeeDee" - Ciráin when talking about midi files
  • "Hey Oisín do you want to get a baby and experiment on it?" -Rory
  • "Put your dick in a toaster bag..." -Aisling
  • "Sweatshops" - Jonathan
  • "YEEEEEE!" - Louise
  • "she's even hotter when she's dominant"-Ruairí
  • "wow someone stimulated her"-Fionn
  • "Tea is consent"-Kellie H
  • "I was just about keeping it in and then I felt another pair of hands "-Ruairí
  • "The only reason you look good in a hat is because it hides your hair" -Adam, to Cormac
  • "Tinfoil Tuesday is not a thing and everyone should be executed" -Cormac
  • "He's like Romeo and Juliet, but one guy" -Adam
  • 'Is she good, or is she gooooood?" "She's an EXCELLENT TEACHER" -Molly and Andrew
  • "TOM!!!! LICK MY ARM TOM!!!!" -Megan
  • "Paul isn't funny, he is the joke" -Megan
  • "I have a brother, I thought I'd seen a dick before. I had not seen a dick before" -Rionach
  • "Shift Loads of Underage Teens" -Megan
  • "Do we get to do singalongs?" "WHY DO YOU THINK IM HERE" -Molly and Paul (RA), Hamilton Appreciation
  • *Megan starts a chant*
  • "Drop a fucking brick down" -Paul, when people were throwing stuff out windows in the quad
  • "Aldi dilute is fucking LIT" -Megan
  • "Make your weenis touch your kneenis" -Megan
  • "PheNOMenal" -Tom
  • "Every night's a party at Clongowes" -Adam
  • "What happens under the stairs stays under the stairs" -Adam
  • "I'm a fucking sheep, I follow everybody" -Megan
  • "I'm against dick sucking" -Rionach
  • "I'm a good Christian girl" -Megan
  • "Leave room for Jesus" "They have no Jesus" -Colm and Paul, watching Pochahontas
  • "Why didn't you come to the Christening you cunt?" -Megan
  • "Would it be weird if I had an erection right now?" -Cormac, with Paul and Megan lying on him
  • "Jess I'm as short as you now" -Cormac, sitting on the floor
  • "Don't let her achieve her dreams" -Paul, on Megan
  • "I don't want to do it in the bathroom. I want to be different. I want to do it in the middle of the quad" -Megan, on blowjobs
  • "Cormac you don't have a name either" "Yeah I do, it's Cormac" -Keelin and Cormac
  • "Not face or balls" "But they're, like, prime areas" -Cormac and Paul
  • "Look, it's your contact" -Rían, to Alex
  • "Please get that ketchup away from me" -Rionach
  • "I never got out of breakfast" -Molly
  • "How did he acquire so many balls?" -Sarah
  • "Lightbulbs only in this bin" "Whoops im dyslexic" *puts rubbish in bin* -Adam
  • "That's Doctor Mister Professor to you" -Adam
  • "Why is the music playing into your crotch?" -Molly, to Emmet
  • "Adam, can I have some nuts?" -Sarah
  • "We're doing Rebus puzzles, because what would a Calm Hatters Tea Party be without a Rebus puzzle? -Andrew
  • "Some of us are trying to watch the movie" "Yeah well some of us are trying to sync it up with Dark Side of the Moon" -Emmet and Andrew
  • "It's like when you leave horses alone to fuck" -Molly
  • "I just got recognised as Red Shorts" -Cormac
  • "Too many balls, not enough time" -Adam
  • "As a great man once said' "this feels PheNOMenal"" -Emmet
  • "I'd call it the beast but it didn't even have a heart" -Megan, on pizza
  • "I'd call it a slut but no one would ever slut with it" -Megan, on pizza
  • "Political correctness goes out the window" "And bitches go out the door" -Cormac and Adam
  • "Paul why is your password "my dick is 2 inches"? -Andrew
  • "Fucking lit" -Megan
  • "Cans Cans Doodly Dee" -Rían
  • "Your hair is so soft" "That's because it's woven of molten gold. You know it to be true Jess, you know it to be true" -Jess and Paul
  • "I'm a Husslepuff, that's where all the gangster wizards go" -Paul
  • "Find your own stick and peel it yourself" -Tom
  • "If you take all your clothes off and smear shit all over yourself no one will want to touch you" -Andrew
  • "He's a blinding flame in a world of darkness" "He's the dimmest one here..." -Emmet and Adam
  • "You've just been Clongowed" -Molly
  • "Colm has no pants on" "Yes I do" "No you don't it's a mirage" -Paul and Colm
  • "Why is there a 'Wet Floor' sign here every morning?" "Because Megan can see how fucking slick everyone looks" -Molly and Megan
  • "People in Howth smoke salmon, people in Wicklow smoke weed" Emmet
  • "If the ARCs catch me ill just say I left my inhaler in Paul's room and start wheezing" -Andrew
  • "Middle name: O Surname: Dwyer" -Adam
  • "You'll notice this is an unusual marriage, especially for a church" -Paul, on Megan and Keelin's wedding
  • "By the power vested in me by something I read online I now pronounce you wife and other wife" *Paul knights Megan and Keelin* -Paul
  • "If it's raining do we still do nothing but shorts?" Hell yes! Pneumonia who?" -Molly and Adam
  • "Lesbian sex is the safest sex one can have" "What if you have genital warts?" "Fairly hygienic lesbian sex is the safest sex one can have!" -Colm and Molly
  • "Pan o Chocolate" -Megan
  • "Super magic holy water makeup stuff" -Adam, on makeup remover
  • "I hadn't delved into the wonder that is Cormac Watson" -Sarah
  • "Follow your penis Andrew" -Paul
  • "My penis has brought me into some very bad situations" -Keelin
  • "I've got a tennis ball in my fucking kidney" -Cormac
  • "A terrible mistake or a great discovery?" -Andrew
  • "If Sarah and Robyn had a baby it would be these shorts" -Jess
  • "The law of averages, eventually someone will piss in your sink" -Andrew
  • "We definitely need to take a shit in his cistern" "His sister?" -Paul and Andrew
  • "Where do you start a riot? IN THE QUAD" -Andrew
  • "You can Indicate the tone of your voice with the tone of your voice"- Molly
  • "I didn't think you'd find a way to fidget with it all the way through class"- Alex
  • "Paul offered to stuff his meat down Rían's throat"-Alex
  • "Few cans with at nerd camp"- Rían
  • "Ask the tree if it's gay"-Keelin
  • "I'll squat when Cormac goes down"-Sarah
  • "Jess can get anything if she moans hard enough"- Molly
  • "Don't put the pussy on a platter, and in this case you're the pussy"- Paul
  • "Megan, the pasta doesn't get any pleasure out of it"- Alex
  • "His muffin is too moist"- Alex
  • "Nothing is too big for Megan"- Molly and Colm in unison
  • "We don't have a Jesus"- Paul
  • "Oh no it was really fine Cormac, you're just going to die"- Paul
  • "It's so hard"-Aidan Darcy
  • "Its not ear rape, it's ear molestation"-Peter
  • "Let's hack some fucking sack"- Emmet and Tom
  • "He would shoot up an orphanage for her"- Andrew
  • "This isn't strutting, this is powerwalking"- Keelin
  • "I've shifted one Asian"- Ríonach
  • "Pigs can get sunburn; Yeah it's called bacon"- Megan and Emmet
  • "I'm gonna divorce you so hard you'll say wow I'm divorced now"- Paul
  • "It's fucking sick"- Tom
  • "BUUUURRRRRNNNNNN"- Tom and Megan
  • "Rohypnol"- Cormac, Adam, Paul
  • "Moana 2: James Cook turns up claims the island for the British Empire and the slaughters all of the natives with nothing more than a sneeze"- Cormac and Paul
  • "YESSSSSSSSS"- Cormac and Adam
  • "Everyone here deserves to know that they are loved. That's why we're here" -Robyn
  • "YURT" -Kurt, moaning bizarrely sexually
  • "It was Gerald"-Niamh and everyone (Med A)
  • "I got into My Chemical Romance after I went through counselling so does that mean the counselling made me worse?" - El
  • "You're not a true emo unless you listen to Nickleback" - El
  • "I'm not obsessed, I speak when spoken to" - Tomás, about communism
  • "Your Spanish accent is so white" - Ethan
  • "I started watching Doctor Who to impress a girl" - El, "She must have been some girl" - Liadáin, "Ehhhh" *makes the so-so hand gesture* - El
  • "When you run out of things to say so you come out" - Emily
  • "My mam got me to bring food" - El, "Tell your mom I love her and want to marry her" - Elliot
  • "Speaking of, I need to redraw that so it looks more like a penis" - El

Session 2


"Neither Hannah nor the orange is a lesbian" - Áine

"I'll never be allowed back into spar - first I attacked someone with a bagle" - Leila

"We had a bonding moment in the ladies toilet" - Megan

"I have a really funny story with a penis" - Caragh

"I'd be really good at sucking a dick if it was long and flat" - Caragh

"Where are my clothes?" - Aoife

"You were flirting with the RA!" - Claire

"For money! That makes it okay" - Aoife

"Glitter is the herpes of crafts" - Aoife

"So barnacles are really stupid, but they have huge dicks" - Claire

"I enjoy dyke strength" - Steven

"Why does this top look like a FUCKING BINBAG" - Jenny

"That bird honestly has no business being that big" - Alex

"Well this morning I finished playing lonely, naked, wet snake" - Claudia

"Everyone who's American, I'm sorry but I hate your country" - Conor

"Roman numerals are gay culture" - Diana

"Why do you think I wanted to do robotics? I wanted a vibrator" - Steve

"Vin Diesel is an egg in a vest" - Steve

"I would rather rip my nails out" - Steve

"I think my kink is murder" - Caragh

"... you penetrate the rectum" - Steve

"I have known you for an hour in total and you are by far one of the weirdest people I know" - Steve

"See I can be nice to people, BITCH" - Steve

"Ooh I can squeak it" - Jack

"How do you know if you haven't tried it?" - Steve

"Put THAT in your quote book!!" - Aran

"I do weird things, I don't say weird things" - Caragh

"We're trying to make the weirdest innuendo possible and trying to explain her porn habit" - Steve

"He likes to touch it" - Steve

"What are you grinding to now?" - Jack

"There's the sweet spot RIGHT there" - Aine

"Everything can be salad if you try hard enough" - Steve

"Well, I don't like your FACE" - Steve

"It's a hard, gay life for us!" - Diana

"Claire is my mom! I need her to look after me but now she's broken" - Megan

"I really don't think you should be pointing your girlfriend's sword at me" - Aoife

"You're the emphasis of too far" - Aine

"She said something about pleasuring me as well" - Steve

"Don't fuck the sun, Caragh" - Diana

"That's generally how penises work" - Steve

"Give me my penis" - Caragh

"I stole my dick" - Diana

"It's my dick so be careful" - Diana

"Diana told me to open my mouth and started wiggling her penis threateningly at me" - Claire

"I snorted salt and it didn't kill me so I must be Jesus" - Conor

"Love is in the hair... ow" - Aine

"How the hell did I lose the manliest men and sparkle hat?" - Steve

"You're so Scandinavian, it's adorable" - Aine

"So you can date her but you won't date me?" "Well I actually have some standards" - Megan and Aine

"It wasn't kinky I just wanted to kill her" - Megan

"This is my penis now" - Caragh

"I feel like you could fuck someone ironically and it'd be okay" - Steve

"Are they gay? Because they have the haircut" - Caragh

"Look! I have ballsacks!" - Caragh

"We got black market Kinder eggs for the meme" - Charlie

"Nala is really attractive for a lion" - Aoife

"Being short is gay culture" - Aran

"Here's a little dick pat" - Aine

"This may seem like we're being romantic but really my nose is cold and your neck is warm" - Caragh

"That was cute until it wasn't" - Peter

"The boob stroking was completely platonic" - Steve

"I mean id we're referring to Captain America, I'd fuck America" - Peter

"Just because they're basically spandex doesn't mean anything" - Aine

"I'd buy you dinner to make you eat not to see your shoulders" - Claire

"Estonia is when you fall asleep and you see a country" - Peter

"Fuck Kilkenny" - Aine

"It's on your arm not your hand, you can't count" - Claire

"If you're staring at a guy's dick, it's less gay than if you're staring into his eyes" - Peter


Neuroscience A

"I gesticulate all the time *puts middle finger up*" - Mila

"I'm never gonna guess if it's a man" - Hannah

"Putin is an LGBT icon" - Hannah

"I'm the Alex of my friendgroup" - Aoife

"Fucking Yasmin" - Aoife

"Let's just refer to GIFs as Jonathan" - Mila

"Not Jonathan, Jonathan's awful" - Hannah

"Oscar Blood! That's a nice name... How you get a name like that? You kill a man?" - Michael (best TA)

"Aoife is Pence" - Claire's internal monologue during a debate

"Swords augment your hands" - Peter

"If the surgery doesn't work - death" - Mila

"Dildo of God" - Mila

"And also, with communism " - Mila

"They'd have enhanced body... powers... per se" - Mila

"In the hierarchy of things you need to live, living is pretty high" - Claire

"Time is brain" - random person talking about clots

"This is just getting at the kinks" - Caoilinn (TI)

"That's the meaning of life - we're all secretly sexual organs for robots" - Adam

"Claire Bear's a were-bear" - Adam

"And also the mayor" - Mila

"Santa Transmitted Disease... STD" - Peter/Mila

"Are you barricading the door?" - Mila @ Michael

"Don't be a hedgehog, Sonic! Gotta go fast!" - Peter (in a horrific accent)

"Let's all get abortions" - Peter

"Trump Tower on me, Daddy" - Peter

"You know what trust is? Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs" - Mila

"I'll just stride into a church and go: 'bless me you cunt-bags'" - Peter

"I just yelled 'tiny baby prostitutes' at the top of my voice" - Mila

"This is a very lesbian day" - Aoife

"1 in 10 people are George Michael" - Everyone

"Check for signs of George Michael in your elderly relatives" - Peter

"Tampons are just soft dildoes" - Mila

"And suddenly, out of the blue, boobs" - Aoife

"Mila is George Michael reincarnated" - Aoife

"Romeo and Juliet - George and Michael. A Shakespeare classic" - Adam

"Fight me for the boobs" - Aoife (@ Peter)

"Badoomtits" - Mila

"You're Meryl Deep in the vagina" - Mila

"Everything's a dildo if you try hard enough" - Peter

"It's like a tutu... of DEATH" - Adam

"Mazel Tov" - random passer-by (after boob balloon pops)

"Wait. Your priest did too?!?!" - Peter

"Wait, so there are groups of scientists who don't know each other, running around kidnapping monks and torturing them to see if they feel pain?!?!" - Claire

"I love me some cat-ass-juice" - Peter

"There's no teacher, let's all do drugs" - Mila

"Jesus is a psychopath murderer" - Aoife

"Psychopaths: coming to a theatre near you! With guns" - Mylo

"Mila, come on, make this a threesome" - Aoife

"Over-arousal is detrimental to performance" - TEDtalk

"Then you have to ban children" - Aisling

"Practise make good of things" - Aoife

"It's better to save the stock market than save lives, right?" - Simmie

"All my stuff is still covered in Nutella" - Claire

"Is that my book? Smell it. If it smells of Nutella, it's mine" - Claire

"Why haven't we weaponised Nutella yet?" - Peter

"The treat is dopamine" - Adam

"You want your surgeon to be a psychopath. You don't want them to have any emotional response to cutting you up" - Caoilinn (TI)

"It's probably Michael in a body-suit" - Claire (when Gemma shows up)

"He's not there for the sex - it's for the love!" - Aoife (about a guy in love with a dolphin)

"Mila no" - Everyone

"Mila yesssss" - Mila

"If you wanna be best friends with me, you gotta be a poop" - Aisling

"I'm actually 25 rats in a trench coat" - Adam

"One twin may have a great fear of desk drawers" - Adam

"Y'know the place where you keep all your arm augmentations - it's an ARMoury" - Adam

"Why do guys and gals when you can do gays and doms?" - Aoife

"If they have a doge it's fine" - Mylo

"What if they have a doge and a white van?" - Claire

"It's probably fine" - Mylo

"I'm not Satan, I'm a pyromaniac" - Síofra

"This is why our marriage is falling apart!" - Peter

"We're not married!" - Aoife

"Oh my expletive god" - Peter

"How does the teenage brain make decisions?" - TEDtalk

"Spin! The! Wheel!" - Peter

"It's not paranoia if it's actually happening" - Aoife

"I feel like I could make it to 18 without killing anyone... probably" - Mila

"Can you give me cancer?" - Aoife

"Cause oxygen. Oxygen is handy" - Peter

"These days get a lot of money in America cause capitalism" - Aoife

"Laughter doesn't have side-effects guys" - Aoife

"*lists horrific side-effects*" - Aoife

"Same" - Peter

"This is your brain on music" - Isabel

"Treat your plants to vedic chants if you want" - Hannah

"Self deprication? More like self depricatFUN" -  Hugh


  • "If people aren't around then sitting isn't a thing" - Kate
  • "No gingers in my suburbs" - Luke
  • "Time is like a box of chocolates" - Owen
  • "Gabi if you want to be a table go right ahead" - James
  • "Animals could still, like, death" - Gabi
  • "We're talking about death again?" - Alex
  • "Someone was gonna die. Who were we talking about?" - James
  • "Life is a social construct" - Owen
  • "Human rights are no joke, Sarah" - Luke
  • "How can you be sure the afterlife doesn't or does exist? Like, you haven't been there" - Ollie
  • "I'm going to punch Jesus in the face" - Luke
  • "I can't remember what you said but this is my counter argument" - Sean
  • "It always comes back to pussy and class" - Luke
  • "I'm not gonna write slavery on the board in case someone comes in" - James
  • "Slavery is efficient and will make you money" - Steph
  • "There was a time when slavery wasn't bad" - Alex
  • "Not to sound really tumblr, but-" - Aoife
  • "Slavery is no joke, Sarah" - Luke
  • "I can't think of a real life example so I'm going to use Glee" - Jenny
  • "You're over-explaining why slavery is bad" - James
  • "If I say slavery I mean capitalism" - Gabi
  • "Buss open this philosopussy" - Luke
  • "Take me, James" - Owen
  • "Would you rather be able to fly or understand Hegel" - Sean
  • "My very limited knowledge of anything" - Sarah
  • "In my professional opinion, I Don't Know" - Alex
  • "What did that have to do with road safety?" - Aoife
  • "...what Sarah said about the sexiness of donating to charity" - Finghín
  • "Potholes are a social construct" - Luke
  • "Gay guys come and go, lesbians are forever" - Luke

"Lesbians Are Forever is my favourite James Bond movie" - Alex

  • "If you're writing about intelligence then you can't mention Sean" - Alex
  • "Sperm are friends not food" - Luke
  • "Remember that one episode of Friends where the sun went out and the gang spent their last moments huddled together before freezing to death" - Luke
  • "...looking at Sinn Féin propaganda for two hours" - Steph
  • "I didn't have my hand up but I'll talk anyway" - Maggie
  • "Martian erasure" - Alex
  • "I forgot to put my hand down" - Sean
  • "Week two is all about despair" - James
  • "Every time they saw a flower they'd be like "what the hell is this?"" - James
  • "If you were eaten by a shark you wouldn't be shocked" - James

"I mean I'd be fairly shocked, if I was eaten by a shark" - Luke

  • "So the flower doesn't matter" - Jenny

"That's a bit rude" - Luke

  • "Sometimes I mumble in my sleep and no one can make out what I say" - Michael

"What's the difference?" - Sean

  • "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's a priori knowledge" - Luke
  • "Did anyone have a crisis or revelation over lunch" - James

"I mean yeah but it had nothing to do with philosophy" - Luke

  • "Who spoke about the void?" - James
  • "Does quantum mechanics is gay?" - Alex
  • "War is for sometimes" - James
  • "I love Becky and Marxism" - Luke
  • "I love the episode of Spongebob with the self-perpetuating war" - Luke
  • "We need eight people" - James

"Eight war heroes" - Sean

"But only one can be America's Next Top Model" - Luke

  • "Sweet dreams are made of Jedward" - Ciara
  • "Jedward are dating Mothman" - Alex
  • "skkrt skrrt the witch is dead" - Ciara
  • "Bisexuality is literally more common in sheep than in humans" - Alex
  • "Not to be dramatic but today is Ollie's 8th birthday" - Luke
  • "Intelligence is a 🅱️ocial 🅱️onstruct" - Pen
  • "I hope you don't have a literal headache but a metaphysical one would be great" - James
  • "...determinism for wimps" - James
  • "I was going to say what I think but I really don't care" - Steph
  • "It's italicised so you know it's important" - James
  • "Cad atá ag happening" - Luke
  • "That make sit easier to understand so we won't do that" - James
  • "Oh yeah civil wars are good" - Sean
  • "What kind of car would you like to be hit by" - Sean

"A Prius" - Claudia

  • "Maslow's Hierarchy of Weeds" - Sarah
  • "Oh god not a woman" - Sarah
  • "In the afternoon we'll move onto more sunny things. Like war" - James
  • "Can't believe James invented fruit" - Claudia
  • "You just got FINGHERED" - everyone
  • "I was lying about that. I'm not lying about this" - James
  • "What's the opposite of time?" - James
  • "Physics, biology, chemistry, and Hegel" - James
  • "Press 2 to mango" - Sean
  • "The apples are in constant dialogue with each other, telling each other that they are all apples" - James
  • "Fake Hughs" - Maggie
  • "In a way we're all Bono" - Luke
  • "Philosophy doesn't deal with comas" - James
  • "DCU's insurance policy doesn't cover blown minds" - Luke
  • "Mediocrity has been found dead" - Luke
  • "I get what he's saying but it's so stupid" - Claudia
  • "Not to get all weird and philosophy about it, but-" - Claudia
  • "This might sound a bit sociopathic" - Sarah
  • "I Kant believe it's not butter" - Luke
  • "I like the thick bit" - James
  • "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's a sense of self" - James
  • "Selena Gomez is so important to this class" - James
  • "Truth has been found dead" - James
  • "Despairah Kelly" - Luke
  • "A watermark of despair" - Steph
  • "Thick people can't have existential crises" - James
  • "You could say that about anything" - Michael

"No you couldn't oh my god" - Claudia

  • "I'd be a big fan of the elitism" - Claudia
  • "I opened the first page and read the first page and I was just like what the fuck" - Sean
  • "Does despair is vore?" - Alex
  • "Not to be a Hitler sympathiser, but-" - Aoife
  • "Stabbing people is fine" - Gabi
  • "We're going back to murder" - Kate
  • "When you get past 24 and you're not a professor, it;s pretty annoying" - James
  • "I'm not a centrist because I'm not an idiot" - Sean
  • [whispered] "Climate change isn't real" - Ciara
  • "A Murderer are monster" - James
  • "You know how it's wrong to kill people" - Claudia
  • "This is gonna sound really emo but death and emotions are arbitrary" - Claudia
  • "Again this is gonna sound really emo but nothing matters anyway" - Claudia
  • "Ollie Ollie Ollie, oi oi oi" - Rupi Kaur
  • "Heroin, there's a great hyperreality" - James
  • "Why do we need to climb a mountain?" - Alex

"For the meme" - Claudia

  • "Luke has a nugget of information" - James

"And that's all he has" - Alex

  • "Kate has been found missing" - Hugh

"How can you be found missing" - Luke

  • "She's not like other girls, she's made entirely of cardboard" - Alex
  • [five minute tangent about memes] - Kate
  • "Not to go back to memes but-" - Kate
  • "Apart from hating Wichtenstein and/or yourself, what else is wrong?" - James
  • "He founded it in some stupid year like 1912" - Sean
  • *Diagrams humans relation to their spirit and the relation in of itself* - Steph
  • "He's the smartest man in Asia Minor, Kate" - James (about heraclitus)
  • "All chairs borrow from the surrounding chairness" - Steph
  • " 'Noun1' is just boneless 'Noun2' " - Everyone (mostly Luke)
  • "You're ruining my dick" - Claudia
  • " 'Conflict is for always' is my favourite Bond movie!" - Alex
  • "Something something immunodeficiency..." - Luke (In reference to Steph's cronic and incurable disease)
  • "If the eyes are like the tits of the face, then the eyebrows are like the bra" - Luke
  • "What are these circles?" - Luke, seeing popcorn chicken for the first time

Sci Fi and Fantasy Writing

  • "It's Monday, I know you're all tired. So let's ask the question on everyone's minds. Anyone got any memes?" - James TA
  • "There can be no utopia without memes" - James TA
  • "They have vending machines that fill themselves, we have a furnace" - Aaron
  • "So you have actually written the fiction of Colm O' Reilly's murder" - Aran
  • "Every being is equal in the eyes of the furnace" - Ethan
  • "Only state-approved memes" - Aran
  • "All hail the almighty furnace" - James TA
  • "So we got his skull second hand?" - Aran
  • "Problems are all the more exciting" - James TA
  • "Funny?! That gave me nightmares" - ?
  • "Probably, we're terrible people" - Ethan
  • "I want everyone to benefit so I'm giving everyone my shirt... For money" - Ethan
  • "And they can torture you obviously" - Emily TI (about dystopias)
  • "I just don't want to hear you speak" - James TA
  • "I like when the good guy wins" - Aran
  • "Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but THERE ARE ALIENS" - Emily TI
  • "We'll save it for clones" - Emily TI
  • "What if the government could watch your every action and hear your every thought?" "What do you mean 'what if'?" - Emily TI and Diana
  • "Now, onto brainwashing" - Emily TI
  • "I have friends full stop" - James TA
  • "I don't trust the furnace" - Conor H
  • "But it was a MAN" - Emily TI
  • "They're big, fat and they steal sheep" - Ethan
  • "If you kill one, you get a girlfriend" - Ethan
  • "No, that is all I have to say" - James TA
  • "OK guys, I made it up, let's move on!" - Emily TI
  • "He's wearing the tightest whitest" - Aran
  • "Greek mythology was the original fanfiction" - Emily TI
  • "You're not all bad" - Emily TI
  • "I often fantasize about how Trump would deal with aliens" - Emily TI
  • "With an attitude like that, Conor, you will be the first in the furnace" - James TA
  • "There's a really funny meme" - Emily TI
  • "I'm telling you, it's fanfiction, guys!" - Emily TI
  • "Let's stick to witches puberty" - Emily TI
  • "So if you're randomly Spanish, I got it" - Diana
  • "It's science fiction, not science fact" - Emily TI
  • "It wouldn't affect us because there's no dinosaurs here" - Aran
  • "I am willing to die for this... thing" - Conor H
  • "Sugar is the path to Satan" - James TA
  • "Conor, get up those stairs and stop offering people poison" - James TA
  • "I'm a little bit obsessed with space stories" - Emily TI
  • "Why are you making this difficult for me???" - Emily TI
  • "All studentios presentios!" - James TA
  • "Keep your opinions to yourself, we're building a Cacolat Tower" - Ethan
  • "Did I mention War Hammer?" - Ethan
  • "We'll talk to them first, figure out that we're probably smarter and then destroy them" - Ethan
  • "Where's Second Ben???" - James TA
  • "No-one said dank memes because we have a serious lack" - Ethan
  • "He's the one with the big, pointy stick" - Aran
  • "He's strong and he shoots good" - Aran
  • "You're really intimidating to sit beside" "Good" - Ethan and Conor H
  • "I explained it the other day, if you were listening" - Emily TI
  • "Looking fly... OH IS THAT A WAISTCOAT??" - James TA
  • "It sounds like maracas, it must be good" - Conor H
  • "I feel like I'll be beaten if I disobey" - Ethan
  • "Ooh, it's me Ghost Daddy" - Aran
  • "I like my ghost daddy with a little more hair" - Ethan
  • "Daddy, it's awfully warm in here" - Ethan
  • "There was an unwelcome guest in that threesome" - Ethan
  • "I was strolling around, looking through windows, as is my job" - Lily
  • "Ghost Daddy, I can be with you in death now" - Ethan
  • "Daddy, mute me" - Diana
  • "I'm the goddess, okay?" - Conor L
  • "You can express your love in one sentence, right?" - Emily TI
  • "Why, excuse me, this is the third day with no dank memes" - Aran
  • "I am protecting you against slugs and evil spirits" - Conor H
  • "Not many things in CTYI are straight. Why couldn't the tables be one?" - Ethan
  • "It's an Ethan sandwich on Aaron bread" - Aran
  • "The only time you like coffee is when it's 3 am and your essay's due the next morning" - Ethan
  • "He's so far away from the rest of the class in his own academic, wizard tower" - Ethan
  • "I mean I CAN function but I don't have my phone" - Ethan
  • "He who controls the salt, controls the universe" - Ethan
  • "Ohh I LOVE courtroom dramas!" - Conor L
  • "I mean I read Drarry (fanfiction) but I still hate you" - Ethan
  • "I forgot, you're Spanish, you're weird" - Ethan
  • "I love the idea that a lamp is objectively sexy" - Aran
  • "You can ignore everything I say, if you like" - Emily TI
  • "Aren't we all just barrels of flesh and varying degrees of happiness" - James TA
  • "I think you just ruined my childhood" - Conor L
  • "You can't solve all your problems with fanfiction" - Aran
  • "Santa is the god of reindeer" - Jack
  • "We're being progressive" "Communism" "NO" - Ethan and Diana
  • "No more progression for anyone" - Ethan
  • "So if anyone has Diana's self esteem make sure to save it to the google drive" - James TA
  • "Take me, my lesbian" "You're a guy" - Conor H and Diana
  • "Communism. I killed them all and then evenly distributed the bodies" - Mark
  • "Just kill people and hope you survive" - Conor L
  • "The study is now in session, all hail the furnace" "All hail the furnace" - James TA and Everyone (Every study)

War and Modern Conflict

  • "Mountain Wanges" -TA
  • "Guys, it is not the 19th century. You cannot trade colonies." Thamil, during a Model UN session.