Quotes 2017

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Remember, please use the format "Quote" - Person and put the quote under the correct subheading to make it easier and more consistent to read. For each individual course, please use Sub-heading 2 (CTRL+4). If you put obscure quotes into General then they will just be moved into In-Jokes. You can toggle italics on and off using CTRL+I (or CMD+I on Mac).

Advisory Notice:

From the 4th of July, following Sexist, Facist, Bigoted reports from CTYI and CAT students the Assistant Residential Co-Ordinators do not allow any of this On-Campus and occasionally check the wiki, it would be advisory not to post any of the above topics or similar, while anonymity is rampant on this wiki, it would still be a bad idea to post anything of said nature.


The Unicode Consortium (Ruán)

Session 1


  • *Uncontrollable Sobbing* - Everyone
  • "All Star Lyrics" - everyone
  • "Oisin is not the God of Ninja" - Anonymous
  • "We are The Stair Ninjas, fuck you!!" - The Stair Ninjas
  • "What time is it?" "It's 20 to half past." - Dara to anyone who asked
  • "Do you like Mika!?" - Dara to anyone who spoke to him
  • "Stick your beak up your tiny penguin ass, and proceed to pull your innards out of your body." - The Stair Ninjas
  • "Fucking penguin is a waste of time and effort. Donate it to SVDP or something. Get a life." - The Stair Ninjas
  • "KRISTOBURG?!" - The Stair Ninjas
  • "Buildings are just a Social Construct" - The Stair Ninjas
  • "One fluid motion!" - The Stair Ninjas
  • "One film and it has to be appropriate" - RAs; *Booing* - everyone
  • "YYYYYEEEEEEEEE!" - everyone
  • "Stop calling me Hatler" - Hatler
  • "Stan Lee's wife is dead" *followed by hysterical laughing* - The Stair Ninjas
  • "A bunch of wankers wearing cygnet rings and blazers, what a bunch of wankers!" - Dylan TallMan
  • "You should never make drugs like that again." - Anonymous
  • "Rats. Foiled again in my devious endeavours" -Conan
  • "Are you calling me a hegemonic bitch?" - Kurt
  • "Science isn't even right." - Nathan
  • "They chase the gays around Pluto" - Fergal
  • "I don't even mind discrimination!" - Kurt
  • "The Germans cook better than the Irish. And that's an insult." -Clara
  • "Why do I keep killing myself?" -Camilla
  • "Fuck off, you think I care about Africa?" - Rory
  • "I'd toast my dick in a toaster bag" - Cormac
  • "Panini dick" - Cormac
  • "Badabing badabullshit" - Lian
  • "Do you say hoover or dressing gown?" - Cian
  • "People touch people alot here"- Jack


  • "Wouldn't that be incense- I mean incest" -Liadain; "It'd be hot nonetheless" - Daniel
  • "My job is to sleep with children" -Ben
  • "Is my bird a terrorist?" -Alex
  • "I'm a dirty little CAT, and I like to dress up" -Liam
  • "I'm so tired; I'm wrecked; I'm exhausted" - Ciara
  • "Never quote yourself" -Me
  • "Take a face of my nipples" -Liam
  • "I may have infiltrated your wrap" -Fergus
  • "I like my siblings more" -Cian
  • [Singing] "Only the dankest of memes will suffiiiiiiiiiiice~!" -Tim [Crispy T]
  • "My bag is in the Macaroni Building..." -Tim
  • "Yes, Donegal is a beautiful place, full of paedophiles." -Edward, evidently in a Donegal accent.
  • "What colour is gay" -Liam
  • "You remind me of the babe ... the babe!" -Óisin/Padraig; "What movie is that from?" -Liam; "David Bowie's crotch bulge" -Fergus
  • "I have found a troop of 13 year olds" -Liadáin
  • "Maybe the real overused joke was the friends we made along the way." -Pádraig
  • "I thought she was 16!" -Ethan Coyne
  • "Do you think Gerry Adams is thicc AF?" -Larisa
  • "So what's the difference between pansexuals and BDSM?" -Úna
  • "Guys, the floorgie has become a swastika." -Íosaf
  • "I love my friends,"; "I prefer my siblings." -Pádraig and Cian
  • "End it with a manly yiff" - Cúán
  • "The T stands for smart" - Lian; "The C stands for CIAN" - Cian; "Cian Smart You Is" - Úna
  • "Kinky communism" - Eimear
  • "I've had five glasses of water. I'm so HIGH-drated." - Kurt
  • "Can we have a smiling at your crotch appreciation, Noah?" - Colm
  • "We need to have a sweatshop appreciation." - Zac
  • "I'm probably drunk on club orange, but I don't care. Another!" *hurls bottle at the ground* - Serena
  • "Heart of the cards; more like heart of my ass." - Pádraig
  • "What are you? China? Why are you hiding sweatshops?" - Kurt
  • "It's like a baby cloud's bum." - Kurt
  • "I have our literal child's blood on my hands. In my mouth." - Kenneth
  • "Human birthing sponge." - Fergus
  • "Report me, daddy." - Kenneth
  • "Noah's gone, so - fuck my life!" - Kurt
  • "So it's lesbian, plus u." - Kurt
  • "Fluffy bunnies for fluffies- sorry, furries!" - Eilís
  • "I'm a polarised, gay Cruella deVil." - Kurt
  • slaps hands* "Is this how you affection?" - Elliot; *slaps hands* "This is how you affection." - Eoin
  • "Me as a chip. Because it's salty." - Kurt
  • "I got a fidget cube and fidgeted the wrong way." - Elliot
  • "I just throw in a few emojis and hope people don't realise I don't care about their lives." - Kurt
  • "You know how we're family and *drops spoon* fuck." - Elliot
  • "Why do the mannequins look like such whores?" - Kurt
  • "Let's get him a lollipop. He likes that right? *pause* Oh, wait, that sounds like a gay reference. I'm sorry." - Kurt
  • "I'm reverse gay." - Frank
  • "You can't not like Disney! You're gay!" - Kurt
  • "You're the sugar daddy with a sugar daddy." - Elliot
  • "I thought you said slaves." - Ciara
  • "Do you insert that into your hard drive?" - Kurt
  • "I'm reading about lobster sex." - Stephanie
  • "Monster sex!" - Ella
  • "There's an E in my name! Can I lick the pen too?" - Stephanie
  • "What does Garfield have to do with sex?" - Stephanie
  • "Like, no one's going to slip on a chair." - Kurt
  • "Navan home of the potato" -Muireann
  • "He needs an irrigation scheme on his head"-Muireann
  • "Scurr scurr" -everyone
  • "Why u scurrin muireann"-Tara
  • "Just look up 'I shifted someone on cocaine, did he know he shifted me' you're sure to get good results"-Niamh
  • "It's not real food it's just a bunch of bacteria"-Tara
  • "If you want to be in the real world"-Alex "you kill your self" -Ruairí
  • "I'm like a depressed 3 year old"-Callum
  • "if he could do 100 push-ups like that I'd tap that"- Fionn
  • "You wouldn't have sex with him, you'd make love"- Emer
  • "caoimhe the rock of cashel O'Donnell "-Kellie H and Tara
  • "every holes a goal but not every goals a winner "-Ruairí
  • "he's like someone you don't shift you just marry"-Kelly L
  • "animal crossing? We just call it zebra crossing "-Tara
  • "I sexually identify as a Lamborghini"-Padraig
  • "yeah I brought the food but nobody noticed that they just saw the H&M bag and thought 'ooh someone's a tad homosexual"-Ruaíri
  • "I dropped the soap for the wasp"-Killian
  • "I was on heroin.net"-Killian
  • - *while waving a breadstick and in a serious voice* "who wants to have sex with me"-Killian
  • "he's god he's every decade"-Hailey
  • "you. Can't hang yourself in space"-Tara
  • "just remember you can't see them when you're shifting them"-Killian
  • “AMY DARCYYYYYY” - Matt's RA group and everyone who knows amy darcy
  • "Yes I'm sexually attracted to my shoes" - Ella
  • "We don't know the reasons for hating gay people, otherwise we'd hate them too" - Fish
  • "Being gay is the next step in evolution" - Fionn
  • "Bisexuals are the superior race" - Fionn
  • "Bisexuals are the only people who can multitask" - Fish
  • "She said 'your name's a meme, wanna shift?'" - Tiernan Brosnan
  • "What did you think of Elliot's poem?" - Everyone
  • "Hey, any hot goss?" - Tomás to everyone who walked by
  • "I swear on my virginity" - Tomás
  • "I accidentally shouldered a door into a lightswitch and broke both of them" - Ethan


CTYI Behavioural Psychology

  • "I'm Eoghan and I love the... Recession?" -Eoghan
  • "Biology is not a science." -Maya
  • "Seagull psychology!" -Maya
  • "Pigeons can read!" -Maya
  • "I'd really rather not have to milk anyone." -Rory McFeely
  • "Let's call him 'Lil` Mickey'." -Madhav [Instructor]
  • "Let's study the psychology of why birds." -Maya
  • "Either nature or nurture, it's still your fault." -Úna
  • "It was clear that you were nurtured anyway." -Leah
  • "Don't jerk off in my fry!" -Úna
  • "Umbrellas cause arousal." -Daniel
  • "I gag when I eat children-- I mean tomato." -Úna
  • "Pollinate me daddy." -Úna
  • "Who's the Guilder Scrolls?" -Leah
  • "It goes both ways, that's why it's stupid. Like bisexuals!" -Aislinn on two-way doors.
  • "A dead participant is a useless participant." -Rory McFeely
  • "Don't bring the nazis into this." -Alex
  • "Don't get a feel for India. You probably won't like it." -Madhav [Instructor]
  • "Was robbie-rotten-is-my-daddy your password?" -Maya to Jennifer
  • "Anything can be a weapon if you try hard enough." -Ellen
  • "The LUAS is the fancy train." -Emma
  • "I want to be reincarnated as a 3D printed pterodactyl." -Becka
  • "This one goes out to Rory and Rebecca. -plays careless whisper-" -Eoghan
  • "Dublin zoo's latest attraction; children." -Becka
  • "Ratatouille is an accurate representation of the future if Soviet Russia wasn't destroyed." -Rory McFeely
  • "Don't deface my banana with Rory!" -Úna
  • "You can't touch my banana 'till marriage." -Rory
  • "Does that answer your question?"; "Subjectively, but yes?"; "Welcome to psychology." -Daniel and Tony [lecturer]
  • "I like how his crotch is on my chest." -Úna
  • "7.7% of the class say I'd fuck Danny DeVito." -Maya and Jennifer
  • "Look at how many grammars I have." -Conor
  • "That happened to me too."; "You wanted to marry your mother?" -Madhav and Ellen
  • "Lord give me patience, Lord give me grapes." -Marianne
  • "Your pants are enjoyable." -Aislinn
  • "You look more like a clarinet player to me." -Emily (extra iconic)
  • "You got mystery fluid on the tradition sheets!" -Emily (iconic)
  • "Hoover orgy!" -Emily (iconic)
  • "Oh, the octopus fandom." -Alex & Class
  • "She said 'your name's a meme, wanna shift?'" - Tiernan Brosnan
  • "What did you think of Elliot's poem?" - Everyone
  • "Being gay is the next step in evolution" - Fionn
  • "Bisexuals are the superior race" - Fionn
  • "Bisexuals are the only people who can multitask" - Fish
  • "We don't know the reasons for hating gay people otherwise we'd hate them too" - Fish

CTYI Biomedical Engineering

  • "Aim for your shoes they already suffered" - Fergus
  • "Why is there a jar of naked?" - Edward
  • "I would decorate my house with ears" - Edward
  • "What a great crotch I have" - Edward
  • "Don't get too excited" - Caoimhe
  • "Why does it look like a sausage" - Ella
  • "Why does everyone lick me" - Daniel
  • "The Powerhouse of the cell!!!" - Everyone
  • "OK, I'll stop fan-girling over CRISPR" - Tim [Crispy t]
  • "...And grows a pseudo-penis" -Edward
  • "Don't rub the helicopter guy with the heart" - Jack Dunne
  • "The spleen is a wannabe kidney" - Daniel
  • "We're all packaging engineers at heart" - Daniel
  • "... is for the weak" - Ronan
  • "U wnt sum fuk?" -everyone
  • "lemme smash" -everyone
  • "Ain't communist parties the best?" - Ronan
  • "All my cats are inbred" - Oisin
  • "I love my onions when they're in something" - Daniel
  • "I thought something was shaking in my onion" - Fergus
  • "Hyena birthing videos are the worst" - Edward
  • "I can't wait to get pregnant and die" - Fergus
  • "Sarah why are you laughing at naked children?" - Callum
  • "So if you make children cry you can test for diabetes?" - Daniel
  • "Can we make a poster on childrens tears?" - Jack Doran
  • "But what about the packaging engineers?!" - Ella
  • "#savetheworldwithCrispr" - Kryspy T
  • "I have a glass eye" - Daniel "I have three" - Edward
  • "Nothing is superior to packaging engineers" - Jack Doran
  • "Consider the ethics of packaging engineering" - Ella
  • "Caoime hates everyone" - Daniel
  • "Bee Movie Script" - Chanted by everyone in unison
  • "Ethics is making the friggin' frogs gay" - Ronan
  • "Can I take a selfie with your knee?" - Fergus
  • "When he dies can we use him as a cadaver?" - Edward
  • "Are you guys interested in dru-" "DRUGS" - Everyone
  • "Ectasy!!" - Frank
  • "Who stole the teachers knee this time?" - Oisin
  • "Your knee smells nice" - Ciara
  • "He has a knee fetish?" - Edward
  • "Tell us the knee story!" - Caoime
  • "Just blow up the scales" - Jack Dunne
  • "We have use of the lumps" - Fergus
  • "Wait, once you slice it in half with a guillotine, what do you ask the mermaid?" - Fergus
  • "Kill me" - Caoime
  • "It's a wellington boot!" - Edward
  • "We were never told we can't feel it" - Fergus
  • "How do faces work?" - Caoime
  • "Bring your TNT please" - Ella
  • "Speaker one says 'fat cat' speaker two says 'man' speaker three says 'no not man' then speaker four says 'he said fat'" - Edward
  • "You're a good gay frog" - Fergus
  • "Methajuana" - Callum
  • "If a cannibal only ate brain dead people, would they be vegetarian?" - Fergus
  • "It's all because of you! You're the reason I had a dream I pulled an octopus!" - Oisin
  • "It's so bony" - Caoime
  • "If I had to pick betwern my daddy amd my boyfriend I wouldn't have to because they're the same person." - Sarah
  • "I'm about the loose my McDonald's virginity" - Ella
  • "Why did you use a fork as washing powder?" - Fergus
  • "It's yo boy, SKINNY SEPTUM" -Hermione
  • "We'll do all the drugs by the end of study" - Aoife

CTYI Film Studies

  • "It's like sex but all the time and in front of everyone!" - Eoin
  • "Why do we need to keep the elderly" - Órla
  • "It happens to poor people so we should kill all of them" - Cuán
  • "I agree we should burn all baby hospitals" - Cónán
  • "John Lennon invented Leninism" - Myles
  • "If we killed all the old people and ate them" - Cuán
  • "Rather than killing all elderly people we should put them in four slave labour camps" - Cónán
  • "This is inefficient we should just leave them in a hole to die" - Cuán
  • "They can dig it themselves" - Cónán
  • "Tell them they're going to the Bahamas and shoot them into the sun" - Cónán
  • "Human life is unimportant so we should kill everyone" - Eva
  • "Millennials are killing off racism" - Lian
  • "70 is a nice round number" - Doireann
  • "Now it's James' fault if someone eats their grandparents" - Kyriakos
  • "James just accused me of sexual harrassment because I told him he looked tasty!" - Cúán
  • "[My grandmother] is always complaining about how bad it is, why would I want to put her through it?!" - Doireann; "Just eat her.." - Cúán
  • "Fionn you don't have any talent whatsoever, how would you like to be an extra." - Myles
  • "Crossaints are part of a healthy diet" - Andrew (talking about Hollywood dying)
  • "Rory's ginger and gingers come from Satan" - Doireann; "In your opinion" - Aoife; "In everyone's opinion" - Doireann
  • "A bit of a dictatorship" - Fionn
  • "Shina is a big country" - Myles
  • "Big things are occasionally very good" - Myles
  • "You stand upon a tower of lies" - Cúán
  • "She gets a train ticket from spiderman" - Cúán, explaining Spirited Away
  • "You bunch of inbreds" - Cúán
  • "This is so typical of you Kyriakos you're such a disappointment" - Cúán
  • "This isn't yaaw this is naaaw" - Everyone
  • "I'm not disabled I'm just disadvantaged" - Doireann
  • "I'm mise-en-freezing" - Doireann
  • "You're tearing us apart James" - Cúán
  • "I'm a rascal" - Andrew
  • "Can we make him go back to Greece" - Cúán
  • "eh eh eh" - Eoin

CTYI Game Theory

  • "That's just a theory- A GAME THEORY" -Ethan
  • "Is this International Relations 1?" -People from International Relations 1
  • "Tescos is communism" -Aislinn
  • "So then the happy pear guys were my role models. Right up there with batman. And Kendrick Lamar." -Iarlaith
  • "The story of why I was born in Cork: So my parents had sex in Eritrea. But the death rate is so high. I could die. My mum could die. So I was born in cork." -Iarlaith
  • "They wouldn't let you dissect your own dad's body, because that would be a bit weird." -Hannah
  • "All paths are walks but not all walks are paths." -Íosaf
  • "Draw a graph. A finite graph though, so we're not here all day." - Brian (TI)
  • "Is rain insurance a thing?" - Aisling
  • "I bought it before it was racist" - Aisling
  • "Kill the Italians, no one gives a shit about Milan." - Aisling
  • "Do you have wet dreams? No wait, is that just for little kids?" - Tiernan
  • "Sidious became emperor, Yoda went to live in a swamp, and Anakin became disabled." - Iarlaith
  • "She's into people that look like her dad!" - Aisling
  • "I literally would not be able to be with someone like my mam" - Aisling
  • *Iarlaith writing on chalkboard*
  • "Do you even have chalk Iarlaith?" - Brian (TI)
  • "Iarlaith, put your clothes on properly." - Brian (TI)
  • "I will send you down to the office with a note in your file saying that you refuse to wear clothes in class." - Brian (TI)
  • "That was a stupid point because you're a stupid face." - Brian (TI)
  • "Let's eradicate black!" - Alex
  • "That's why I should have stayed black" - Alex
  • "We cured black! We cured black!" - Alex
  • "My superhero name is 'The Gay', I use eye lasers to cure heterosexuality " - Íosaf
  • slams table*"NOBODY SAID CHERRIES!" - Aisling
  • "I'm not salty, I know well I can get laid better than any blonde "- Íosaf
  • "Maybe the detective should detect if he has a brain" - Niall
  • "He detec, but he also attac" - Niall
  • "I don't make it about sex, sex makes it about me" - Íosaf
  • "It's an aquatic bird" "Parrot. Seagull! DOLPHIN!" - Alice
  • "Have you ever had a penguin 'round to tea, take a look at me, a penguin you will see" - Game Theory
  • "Are we the KKK?" - Íosaf
  • "Becca smoked one marijuanas and died instantly, no, permanently" - Liam
  • "If yoda was taller he would have won" - Alex
  • "What's a doggo, a big ol' pupper?" -Brian (TI)
  • "So suppose I'm madly in love with Joe," -Brian (TI)
  • "The robot can't tell me that Joe isn't madly in love with me" -Brian (TI)
  • "I really don't want to be here" -Joe (on multiple occasions)
  • -Hannah- "I'm actually losing the will to live" Joe (TA)- "The window's right there"
  • "TEAM REDHEADS!" "Team redheads is like team instinct, Holy shit" -Liam
  • "Iarlaith's twice the vegan you'll ever be" -Liam
  • "No, don't help me do it, help me get my life in order" -Hannah, whilst looking at fine memes
  • "Donald Trump's head is fascinatingly large" -Hannah
  • "What came first, the market or the gorilla?" -Unknown
  • "Is that not just making memes?" -Joe, looking 100% done with the Meme Theory group
  • "PRANKED" -Liam
  • "Nukes R Bad" -Liam, on whether or not Iran has nuclear weapons
  • "Your cookie dough nearly gave me an orgasm!" -Iarlaith
  • "I'm the goat guy" -Ethan
  • "Where are my sponges?" -Ethan
  • "Ok everyone, it's not funny anymore, who has my sponges?!" -Ethan
  • "Escort the young man to his quarters" - Liam (when Brian told Joe to bring someone to the bathroom)
  • "Greedy algorithm" - Brian, "A symptom of capitalism" - Ethan
  • "Can you simplify the fancy talk?" - Ethan, "How simple?" - Brian, "Five words" - E, "Wikipedia good, game theory good" - B
  • "My banana is still intact" - Ethan
  • "Liam dabbed" - Niall, "That's it he's going down as casual classmate" - El
  • "Mafia" - Liam, after running out of the circle, jumping over a chair, and dabbing
  • "Tiernan Brosnan" - Everyone
  • "You know the way I quarantine people, I put them into a cult." - Aislinn
  • "I'm not a morning bird I'm not a night owl I'm some sort of constantly exhausted pigeon" - Hannah
  • "A disease a day keeps the doctor away" - Aislinn, "No it keeps them in business" - Rebecca

CTYI International Relations A

  • "I talk to myself with my hands" - Zac
  • "His genitalia weren't in the cookie dough" - Rebecca
  • "Everyone look how big Michael's snake is!" - Michael
  • "You're the one who said you'd sleep with his thirteen year old sister" - Rónán
  • "Sweat shops are actually great" - Jonathan
  • "I think he's just a twenty year old man who just loves kids" - Liadáin
  • "What's a snek?" - Michael
  • "Why are we acting like the KKK's rhyming dictionary?" - Liadáin
  • "Let's play nin-gaa!" - Michael
  • "I love you daddy!" - Ben (To TA Michael)
  • "Just like a chocolate milkshake … only CRUNCHY" - Ben
  • "I want to slit my jugular with a fidget spinner" - Ben
  • "Make your mind up are you granny or daddy" - Anonymous
  • "There's a difference between taking part of your income and taking you" - Seán (On slavery and taxes)
  • "Can we curse during our presentation?" - Dara
  • "They want them nipple people in the circus" - Michael
  • "Everything is legal in Bill Cosby's house" - Theo
  • "Shank Shank" - Michael
  • "Come into my clubhouse" - Theo
  • "I'm 6'4 I could fall on top of you like a vending machine" - Michael (TA)
  • "You're not digging through my armpit hair" - Theo
  • "DRINK CANS, BUG TIPS, BE STICK" - Our Lord and Saviour, GoodChapJosh
  • "How many nipples do you have?" - Theo
  • "I'm from Templeogue - the original hood" - Alisha
  • "My name is Michael Sharry I am legend I live in a box" - Everyone
  • "I only know one family without electricity" - Michael
  • "Eat vegetables off my loins" - Alisha
  • "Can you do a pterodactyl impression?" - Eoin
  • "That sweet succulent Dingle accent" - Ben
  • " Just stop being poor" - Jonathan
  • "You're taking all the nuance out of the situation" - Jonathan
  • "Eoin is having intercoursal relations" - Theo
  • "For just €2 a day you can help the homeless" - Ben
  • "They were rolling around on the ground in the quad"
  • "Will do backflips for oreos" - Alisha
  • "I'll goggle it" - Michael
  • "I'm a 9-5 vegan" - Theo
  • "Do you ever ride your sheep?" - Alisha
  • "Yah I ride my sheep into battle" - Theo CM
  • "You can't be a milk enthusiast, you drink ricemilk!" - Theo
  • "Is this game theory?"
  • "Do you like any songs not about tractors?" - Michael (TA)
  • "Congratulations you passed the test! You're in the Navy SEALS!"
  • "Is this what Stalin felt like?" - Michael (TA)
  • "Danny DeVito? More like Daddy DeVito" - Alisha
  • "9 inches isn't that long" - Alisha
  • "How could you be your brother's son?" - Ben
  • "My kink is making friends" - Alisha
  • "Don't shave your head, it'll look like you rob horses for a living" - Alisha
  • "The housing crisis in Dublin is really bad. I live in a caravan. We only just got running water last week." - Alisha
  • "Breadsticks and masturbation" - Alisha and Elena
  • "Lets go through the construction site again!" - Michael (TA)
  • "I'm like spaghetti - I'm straight until things get steamy" - Alisha
  • "Have you ever been to China?" - Alisha
  • "No but I've been to Chinatown in New York" - Michael (TA)
  • " Wow Michael you're so cultured" - Alisha
  • "Does that make me his space concubine?"
  • "It must have been a platonic motorboating then" - Theo
  • "I got syphilis from the cookie dough" - Alisha
  • "Hey I'm not judging I got chlamydia from the penguin" - Elena
  • "I lost my oreo virginity" - Elena

Elena stop checking out the builder with the pecs" - Theo

  • "See you fuckers later *finger guns*" - Jonathan
  • "You have a dirty mind" - Liadáin

"No I have a sexy imagination" - Jonathan

  • "The only thing I catch are stds" - Alisha
  • "Can I draw Theresa May running through the wheat fields?" - Liadáin
  • "I can't believe that I did a slut drop in the middle of the canteen on a Sunday morning" - Alisha
  • "Come to apartment V130 for ALL your needs" - Elena and Alisha
  • "What or more specifically WHO did you do to get these oreos?" - Elena

"ALL of game theory" - Alisha

  • "Who took my vegetables?" - Theo
  • "Hoo-rah!" - Michael (TA)
  • "Is this a test?" -Theo

"No just do it" - Michael ^20 mins later^ "Alright everyone hand up your tests" - Michael "YOU LIED!"! - Theo

  • "Big time less of the racism" - Michael
  • "Kinky" - Alisha and elena in unison
  • "If you're good I'll do impressions for you"
  • "I know better than them (on people working in sweatshops)" - Jonathan
  • "I've got an std loyalty card - you get free Starbucks every time you get 8 stds" - Alisha
  • "I've got all the stds - GASH, Syphilis. You name it I've got it" - Alisha
  • "Ahh the sweet succulent asmr voice" - Ben
  • "If someone doesn't take this shirt and wash it tomorrow I'll get my brother after you and he like myself is from Dublin and possesses a large set of knives. So we all know how this ends lads" - Alisha
  • "Does anyone have scissors" - Laura

"No but I have knives back in my room" - Alisha

  • "You stole my vegetables dairy intolerant bitch" - Theo
  • "We looked up nose porn" - Eoin Theo and Ben
  • "You're the alpha Theo now" - Alisha
  • "Hey do you want some vegetables, I can give you a really good deal on some" - Theo
  • "We are gonna do your party Vatican style Michael" - Theo
  • "Let's go sit in the stone circle - Michael (TA)

"OH YESS!"- Alisha "Hey less of that!" - Michael (TA)

  • "Elena and I are both going to mass tomorrow we need to repent for our sins" - Alisha

"We have a LOT of sins that need forgiving" - Elena

  • "That was orgasmic" - Alisha
  • "Oh my god this lipgloss looks like cum!" - Alisha

"You have a lot of experience with it so you would know" - Elena

  • "Was I the only one who heard std every time she said sdg?" - Elena
  • "Yah baby show me what them hyperextendable elbows do!" - Alisha

CTYI International Relations B

  • "Hi I'm Saoirse and I actually wanted to do Novel Writing but this seems interesting enough" -Saoirse
  • "As you can probably tell from my face, I'm German" -Thamil
  • "My students will assassinate you, they are intellectual assassins" -Thamil
  • "Well that pisses off the other superpowers." "That's what Russia does" -Colm and Paul
  • "Molly is defending human rights!" "We don't care about that, we're Russia" "That's... reasonably fair" -Colm, Rían, and Christopher
  • "Russian people like to party" -Paul
  • "Official Russia Statement: Give Up Ukraine" -Paul
  • "Would you not agree that everything east of Germany, Russia" -Paul
  • "Afghanistan is, like, the one that got away" -Paul
  • "Typical, sleeping with the Russians" -Colm, to Jess
  • "Sorry for being late. For me, as a German, it was painful" -Thamil
  • "Have you ever done public speaking? You just look at everyone and speak. It's like 90% confidence" -Paul
  • "There are times in life when you just have to stand up and do the right thing" -Thamil
  • "That's quote nepotism" -Paul
  • "I know how to deal with them. You leave them to their fidget spinners and don't talk to them. And if they crawl under a table you leave them alone" -Rían, on scouts
  • "Russia: The Hottest Thing Since U2" -Paul
  • "Be willing to question" -Thamil
  • "That's enough talk from the Pope" -Thamil
  • "The US is the US. Daniel is an atypical American, he's a good person" -Thamil
  • "That's why I'm pro death penalty" "Well, it was brave of you to come out" -Cormac and Thamil
  • "My favourite hip-hopper, Tupac" -Thamil
  • "You have a Peter face" -Thamil, to Paul
  • "Ireland has no political influence, even here" -Molly
  • "There is the fact that the U.K. tried to starve us 200 years ago" "And we're still kicking" -Molly and Colm
  • "Do you mean you don't know everyone in Galway?" -Molly, to Jess
  • "A fully grown Kilkenny specimen" -Rían, on Paul
  • "You're looking at it in the mouth, I'm looking at it from the ass, two different ways into the same thing" -Molly
  • "You may draw whatever you please" "Can we use colours??" -Christopher and Kurt
  • "Thanks Rían" -Everyone debating pro EU
  • "My friend wants 8 kids" "That's like 9 too many" -Sarah and Kurt
  • "He shaved half his hair off" "Did he apologise later?" -Molly and Kurt
  • "I have rope in my room" -Alex
  • "Small people live way longer it's okay" -Kurt, to Jess
  • If small people live longer why isn't Paul dead yet" "He's dead inside" -Colm and Alex
  • "I got pregnant all over her room" -Rionach
  • "How do you get post in North Korea?" "You don't" -Sarah and Molly
  • "Is North Korea in the UN?" "Yes" "So they DO get post!" -Molly, Thamil, and Sarah
  • "Fredom" -Sarah
  • "You can take my hat, but you can never take my Fredom" -Colm
  • "Lots of burocracy going on in the background there" -Kurt
  • "Every time I get an email from my supervisor I pee my pants" -Thamil
  • "Alliences happen, that's International Fucking Relations" -Kurt
  • "I need to have mercy on my friend Paul here, he's starving! He's looking at me like "Thamil please no more questions let me have food"" -Thamil
  • "Can we meditate loudly?" -Keelin
  • "Rionach snores loudly in class"
  • "Fung schwa" -Molly
  • "Sexuchy" -Molly
  • "Why are you so pro Human Centipede?" -Alex, to Rían
  • "You'd be Hedwig, because I don't give a hoot about what you say" -Colm, to Jess
  • "I take off my hat when I talk about the Lord" -Sarah
  • "You can get whatever you want if you groan hard enough" -Molly, to Jess
  • "You don't throw stones at a glass house, and your house is made of fucking paper mache" -Paul, to Jess, on her height
  • "Are you not qualified enough to be a model?" -Sarah, to Rían
  • "Most of the people I shift are like a 5" -Rionach
  • "Paul does like 20 push-ups every night" "More like 1000, I don't sleep like" -Rían and Paul
  • "You have low standards anyway" -Keelin, to Rionach
  • "I like younger looking lads" "Just like priests" -Jess and Rían
  • "One person left the class. Apparently I failed completely failed" -Thamil
  • "There are some freaks on the planet who think it's okay to write a short article of 80 pages" -Thamil
  • "My parents whooped my ass to become a feminist" -Thamil
  • "Hadron colliders don't fit through doorways Alex" -Paul
  • "Maybe we should split up and search for clues" -Paul
  • "She's arm shaming me, that's so sexist" -Paul
  • "We abandon Alex on a daily basis, he's like the Alaska to our USA" -Rían
  • "Don't trust the experts. You guys are the experts" -Rían, on Brexit
  • "Whatsoever" -Thamil
  • "Until today" -Thamil
  • "Vladimir Putin and the Lads" -Senator
  • "We know what Remain means - no Brexit. Leave? That's a land of unicorns and fairies where Winston Churchill rises from the grave to lead us all" -Senator
  • "That air is clean, know why? Europe said so" -Senator
  • "The RAs are going to make trouble to me again" -Thamil
  • "Who's the slut, me or Sarah?" "Well who's got several guys going at the same time?" -Jess and Sarah
  • "I'm a big minion fan" -Thamil
  • "Technically I don't exist" -Daniel
  • "You look like a Laura" -Thamil, to Sarah
  • "Be cynical of all information" -Christopher
  • "Putin: one of the greatest (political) movers and shakers" -Christopher
  • "St Petersburg has just been bombed. The Russian people are demanding blood. What do you want?" "Ukraine" -Christopher and Rían
  • "Stop the racket, Watson!" -Cormac
  • "Did you just draw the communist symbol?" "No..." -Molly and Peter
  • "When I say nuke the Chinese I mean put the takeaway in the microwave" -Peter
  • "You have a Paul face" -Thamil, to Peter
  • "You have the whole world ahead of you, so go and conquer it" -Thamil
  • "When a Dutch person speaks German they're so cute I just want to cuddle them and be like "come here and speak German to me"" -Thamil
  • "Ja, we hate you. But we actually like you" -Thamil
  • "What goes on a trip the weekends at CTYI?" "Shopping and Shifting" -Thamil and Rían
  • "You keep shifting" -Thamil
  • "We'll do the research between shifts" "Molly come here I don't trust ye together" -Colm and Thamil
  • "But I'm not afraid of death" " You can't be afraid of anything, you're dead!" -Cormac and Peter in Werewolf
  • "The pros and cons of nipples" -Alex
  • "I'm Supreme Leader Adams" -Rían
  • "I had so much faith in you" "That was your mistake like" -Molly and Paul
  • "Am I tall or am I just really close up?" -Paul
  • "We're not assholes we're merely adventurers" -Paul
  • "It's lush" -Paul
  • "Is chicken toastable?" -Peter
  • "My man Paul" -Thamil
  • "You can call me whatever you want Thamil" -Jess
  • "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night like "shit my thesis is going to kill me"" -Thamil
  • "My mobile phone was killed by a drunk idiot" -Thamil
  • "I made you all brownies as I was so excited to see you" *Molly cries*
  • "Hufflepuffs are terrible at everything, I'm just terrible at most things" -Paul
  • "You have to be a Slytherin - you're blond and you have a weird haircut" -Paul, to Rían
  • "Nothing says pacifist like holding a massive gun" -Paul
  • "Extreme armourment is just a form of pacifism" -Paul
  • "Violence is a lot like sex" -Officer
  • "You look like a Game of Thrones reject" -Officer, to Rían
  • "Complete silence is needed after you turn the page *turns page* "How long do we have?" -Christopher and Sarah
  • "Nothing says romance like a tap on the head. Or a tap in general" -Jess
  • "You died" "Oh thank god" -Peter and Saoirse, werewolf
  • "This isn't Paul for President, it's Paul for Getting Lynched" -Peter
  • "You've killed two innocent people already!" -Kurt, to Molly
  • "That's the good thing about Russia - everyone's opinion is respected if you're a highly ranking government official" -Rían
  • "Lorcan got me up after like a solid 5 minutes of banging" -Colm
  • "I'm like the United Nations - blatantly ignored" -Thamil
  • "Oh yeah Peter put on some Frank Sinatra, fly me to the moon" -Paul
  • "Who likes Meryl Streep?? I do" -Thamil
  • "These are such exquisite lyrics" -Saoirse, listening to Colt 45
  • "There are no heroes in real life, reality doesn't allow for heroes" -Sarah
  • "Whenever I see another brown person they always stop and stare at me like "I thought I was the only one" -Thamil
  • "Peter's just hard all the time" -Molly
  • "I can't get over the fact that I sat in the same chair as Michael Collins" -Jess
  • "I'd give my firstborn child to Thamil" -Kate
  • "Thats Mother Russia in a picture" -Colm
  • "We don't need no education" "You're literally at a summer school" -Paul and Molly
  • "It's really painful because your hole just keeps getting bigger" -Saoirse
  • "Sausage day is the best day" -Molly
  • "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" -Molly
  • "Is this about Communist Russia?" "Everything in this group is about Communist Russia" -Jess and Molly
  • "Marriage is like the ultimate fuck you to happiness, or so my parents say" -Paul
  • "Debate the shit out of them, I want to see them cry and crawl out of the lecture hall" -Thamil, on the debate with Law
  • "I saw today a meme on Facebook" -Thamil
  • "Hot chocolate is like pouring a liquid orgasm down your throat" -Rían
  • "I really want to learn how to pole dance" -Molly
  • "The wifi on the coconut fields of Sri Lanka is better than this" -Thamil
  • "Beneath my hard, Clint Eastwood-like exterior there's a softer Clint Eastwood-like interior" -Paul
  • *Thamil plays Eye of the Tiger to get pumped for the Law debate*
  • "I BEG you to oppose" -Peter
  • "Don't go back to Mother Russia with my food" -Molly
  • "Slither away, snake" -Rían, to Keelin
  • "Hitler would've loved me, I'm a vegetarian Aryan" -Rían
  • "Give me boiling water and I'll make all your dreams come true" -Paul
  • "I think I hide my sociopathic tendencies well" -Rionach
  • "Sit with the Cork girls if you can remember their names" -Rían, to Paul
  • "You look like you're turned on by the carpet" "I think I am turned on by the carpet" -Molly and Jess
  • "You almost say something smart, and then you dab" -Molly, to Colm
  • "Seize the assets of young children" -Christopher
  • "I'm sexually attracted to that building, it's got hard edges and soft curves in all the right places" -Alex
  • "Oh look how crystal clear the Liffey is" "Crystal green, like. That's how you know it's safe to drink" -Rían and Paul
  • "That's a tasty chair" -Paul
  • "Physically older but mentally younger" -Cormac, about the class playing in the playground
  • "Stop digging Sarah, get out of that JCB" -Colm
  • "Nice coat! You hiding all your nuclear weapons under there?? That's what France wants to know" -Kate (France), to Jess (Israel)
  • "I do care about the environment, just not when it minorly inconveniences me" -Paul
  • "Utter what you think, echo what you feel, speak your mind always" -Thamil
  • "It's not a shame to fall, it's a shame not to get back up. Fall seven times but get up eight" -Thamil

CTYI Japanese Language & Culture

  • "I think there's a tangible difference between an anime character and black tar heroin" -Luke
  • "I never advocated the whipping of babies I just consolidated the whipping of babies" -Luke
  • "Y'all mind if I whip some babies?" -Dylan


  • "If you can't be the best, you might as well be the worst" -Cian on the first day
  • "I can't hear you I don't have my glasses on" -Ciara
  • "#MakeGalwayGreatAgain"
  • "As a Cullen, I can understand the need for blood" -Louise
  • "[Bangs knee on table] Oh pain! Much pain!" -Luke C
  • "Like the saying goes; Desperate something calls for desperate matters" -Robyn
  • "Gingers are the spawn of the devil" -Louise
  • "Gingers aren't a race, they're a species" -Iuliana
  • "I always thought Kildare was in a different time zone" -Zara
  • "[Discussing the Nuremburg Trials] Who's Nuremburg?" -Zara
  • "Did anyone else know that Christians and Catholics are the same thing?" -Zara
  • "Is Kerry in Wicklow?" -Zara
  • "Does my distaste for chicken not prove that I'm not from Wicklow?" -Mollie
  • "This is my urethra moment" -Luke C
  • "I am shocked! appalled! frustrated!" -Robyn and then everyone when opening a speech
  • "Us fine, strong, Munster people would bate the shit out of you Dun Laoghaire shite" -Mollie and Aaron to Cian
  • "If you put me on the quotes page, I'll sue you" -Spice Man
  • "[voting for debating team] Fuckers, this isn't the Eurovision, stop voting for your friends" -Aine
  • "You dress like a fuckboy" -Robyn
  • "Taste the rainbow, motherfucker!" -Evan
  • "I'm fourteen!" -Finn every time someone says he's twelve
  • "If you want a dog, ask for a horse" -Finn
  • "Finn, what the fuck does that mean" -Cian
  • "I like her 'neck tattoos' " -Evan
  • "Frat boys are just young male rapists" -Spice Man
  • "This would be so much easier if I was clairvoyent" "Who the fuck is Claire Voiant?" -Jack
  • "Hiiiiiiii Zaaaaaraaaaaaaa......" -Ronan and then everyone
  • "MOOT" -Everyone

CTYI Maths Experience

  • "With the diligence of a bee" - Billy
  • "Pixi Flawless No. 1 - 1 is considered to be the best primer in the world and therefore the number one is more prime than any other (primER)" - Harrison and Haritha
  • "Simplicate" - Haritha
  • "Complify" - Michael
  • "You guys can do the problem, I am numbering!" - Michael
  • "Let's look it up in the dictionary" - Billy
  • "Or we can go to the hardware store" - Billy
  • "Cian, 69-70, Modern Testament, and Jesus sayeth 'one shall always be a prime number'" - Cian
  • "That seems very lesbian of you Michael" - Ciara
  • "Card for talking" - David
  • "You're mine now" - Christina
  • "Hey friends!" - Megan
  • "Wait, what's the rules again?"- Ruairí
  • "I have a penis in my head"- Megan
  • "You're hurting my arm by making me gonup and down"- Cormac
  • "Are you drawing a word search- Ruairí
  • "I don't fit in"- Ruairí
  • "Cormac you can rub yourself"- Megan
  • "You can sit in the corner and rub yourself while everyone else plays monopoly"- Adam
  • "Daddy needs to be fed"- Cormac
  • "Zero zero zero is a hero,
  • "You never see an even hero Cause they're all totally odd Have you seen captain America He's so weird And what about iron man Totally odd Zero is a hero zero is a hero"- Megan Murray
  • "You know how the Chinese are"- Clara
  • "She's gonna get under the table and make Ruairí smile"- Adam
  • "She's gonna suck on my hoodie"- Ruairí
  • "Come on fuck nuggets, give it a run"- Ruairí
  • "It's not being a dick, it's justice"- Ruairí
  • "Ruairí is just an over complicated jukebox at this point"- Adam
  • "Ed Sheeran who??"- Megan
  • "I should've picked Medicine B"- Christina
  • "Parents before hoes"- Cormac
  • "It was locked but I fixed it"- Adam
  • "I'm slightly moist, oh no"- Cormac
  • "Don't be a cunt you cunt"- Adam
  • "Cormac do you want to try climb the black cock"- Adam
  • "You can't just shove it in"- Emer
  • "You could force my dick"- Adam
  • "Consensual sex. The worst kind"- Cormac
  • "How many faces on a four dimensional cube? I don't fucking know"- Cormac&Adam, Aidan
  • "Fucking knowledge"- Ruairí
  • "Emer couldn't handle this"- Christina
  • "To make something bigger it doesn't necessarily make it harder"- Harrison
  • "Why not you dick sucking cunt licking bitch prick?"-Cormac
  • "You're a special kind of special"- Christina
  • "Multiplication is just addin loads of times"- Emer
  • "You just got served"- Christina
  • "But the dog died so the parrots birthday is today"- Ruairí
  • "You look very nice today Ruairí.
  • "Aw thanks Cormac SYCHHHHHHHHH"- Cormac, Ruairí
  • "At least I need glasses you're just retarded"- Cormac
  • "Don't belittle the opposition
  • "They're belittling themselves"- Christina, Megan
  • "Megan you can come back as the better Christina"- Aidan
  • "That's ironic"- Adam
  • "Ruairí you need to open your ears
  • "Nah I'm too busy opening my heart"- Cormac, Ruairí
  • "That sounds suspiciously like a spastic on the floor"- Ruairí
  • "Did you just call me wrong?? My names Ruairí, we've been classmates for three weeks"- Ruairí
  • "Somebody sound the alarm cause I see fire"- Ruairí
  • "Cormac stop choking Megan
  • "It's consensual Oh okay"- Christina, Cormac
  • "We can eat apples together..."- Cormac, Adam, Megan
  • "Giving birth to you was the longest 36 hours of my life
  • "And getting pregnant was the best 36 hours"- Megan, Cormac

CTYI Medicine A

  • "Do you want a baby?"- Alison
  • "Im not ready yet put that back in"- Emma
  • "I saw Gods face and he was crying"- Charlie
  • "Don't get high off glue or tippex"- Khalid (TI)
  • "I am going to find that lid and shove it down your throat"- Beibhinn to Hugh
  • "Mup the sesh"- Everyone
  • "Im not a dictator, not like you guys"- Khalid (TI)
  • "FIND MY LID"- distressed Khalid (TI)
  • "I think elephants have really really wrinkly brains and ras have smooth brains"- Charlie
  • "In my 7 little friends I store the porridge"- Khalid (TI)
  • "I like the balls"- Aisling
  • "Geez that's great suction"- Emma
  • "Im actually chocking on my stomach"- Holly
  • "It was just a sup"- Alison right before she drank it all
  • "How big is your mouth, how much can you fit in it?!"- Aisling to Alison
  • "Trinity is a baptism of fire"- Niamh (TA)
  • "It looks like a sausage roll"- Aisling referring to a body at 'Real Bodies'
  • "Who put my banana in my pencil case"- Emma
  • "Omg its a dancing sausage"- Hugh

CTYI Medicine B

  • "So like who wants to hear about the time I was exorcised"-Hailey
  • "Maybe if I ignore it it will go back in"-Hailey
  • "Technically it doesn't happen but if you need to get a cannule in you need to get a cannule in" -Andy (TI)
  • "of course you recommend everyone to rehab"-Andy (TI)
  • "Oh the other med class let's hop em"-Rían (TA)
  • "Business in the front party in the back" -Jessica K
  • "What's you're brothers name??" -Caoimhe
  • "Is the child tastes salty you don't have long for the world" -Andy (TI)
  • "What do we do to test for cystic fibrosis"-Andy (TI) "lick?"-Killian
  • "Wait are you not gay?!" - Caoimhe *Killian- bright red*
  • "Wait did ye bully killian into leaving the room"-Rían (TA)
  • "bypass more like buy snacks"-Caoimhe
  • "You know when white people are like 'oh I don't see colour' yeah I just didn't register you"-Hailey
  • "Children grow that's their job"-Andy (TI) "so if you don't grow ur unemployed"-Killian "that's not a good joke"-Rían (TA)
  • "congrats you just drowned a person"-Siadbh
  • "yeah that books a bit dense"-Andy (TA) "same"-Caoimhe
  • "you think you're 100% straight then ur teacher walks in and ur just like mmmm"-Killian
  • "Kellie would be a terrible heart surgeon she can't tie Her shoes nevermind an artery"-Kelly L
  • "what goes on in Tipperary?"-Killian "bloodshed"-Kellie H
  • "what do an alcoholic and a neceophiliac have in common? They both like cracking open a cold one"-Padraig
  • "she's beauty she's keen she's Miss united spleen"-Kelly L
  • "glitter is the herpes of the makeup world...it never goes away"-Lisa
  • "nothin' but snakes and pigeons in dis town"-Kelly L
  • "megacolon that sounds like a WWE wrestler"-Kellie H
  • "lasso that fucker"-Hailey
  • "toxic mega ego"-Kellie H
  • "conspiracy theory Tuesday the dinosaurs didn't die they became spleens"-Saidbh
  • "where's the option for lover "-Kelly L
  • "Kellie have you done fucked up?"-Rían (TA)
  • "okay ill corner her later and I'll give you the signal and we can all beat the shit out of her "-Rían (TA)
  • "you heard it here first ,I fuck wallabies"-Killian
  • "why would you get a rickshaw?"-Saidbh "to get drugs"-Andy (TI)
  • "ill mega ur colon ;)"-Saidbh
  • "there's a party bus in galway...it's bright purple....it's like Chlamydia for your eyes"-Brendan
  • "oh it's so much worse without  the skin"-Kellie H
  • "worship the spleen"-everyone
  • "it's not dead if it's hydrated"-Denis
  • "do you even megaspleen bro"-Denis
  • "I've created a cult"- Andy (TI)
  • "is there a science where you just study chemistry?-Jessica O
  • "you know what they say about big spleens.."-Kellie H "shame Denis doesn't have a spleen"-Killian "ASK YOUR MOM LIL BOY"-Denis
  • "we have a shortage of balls in this class anyways"-Kelly L
  • "organs not orphans"-Siadbh
  • "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks"-Kelly L
  • "you don't intend to murder someone but you'll still be slapped with manslaughter"-Hailey
  • "hakuna metabolism"-Kellie H
  • "the worst thing I've ever seen is my donkey getting castrated"-Brendan
  • "finally rian can crack open a cold one"-Rían (TA)
  • "snakes don't hiss they tell you they have nothing done on their project and whip out a 20 minute power point"-Kellie H "no snakes don't hiss they tell you their presentation ain't shit then whip out the fact they've cured cancer"-Kelly L
  • "Caoimhe's too young to pull him, and he thinks she's gay....Caoimhe is too young and gay"- Kellie H

CTYI Neuroscience

  • "Oh Captain, My Captain" - Robert
  • "Axon Axoff" - Robert
  • "Daddy O'reilly" -Phil

CTYI Novel Writing

  • "Imagine having a nipple on your hand" - Cormac
  • "Do male cats even have nipples" - Muireann
  • "NippleBack is my favourite band" - Larisa
  • "If we could not have twincest that would be great" - Claire
  • "Come hither bae" - Hannah
  • "How to kill Cormac without getting caught:" - Claire
  • "I think cling film doesn't count..." -Cormac
  • "I'm gay"; "I can cure you of that" -Hannah
  • "I've lost the remains of Donkey!!" -Eoghan
  • "Eoghan, it's great to see you finally found a friend" (talking about Donkey, the alligator slingshot who later died) -Claire
  • "I'm going to have to write up a report about how a student left study to have a spicebag now" - Serena, TA
  • "Cormac we've spoken before about how I can't do executions during classtime" - Claire
  • "Children are just bad novels" -Cormac
  • "Your real friends would never let you down. No, sorry, your imaginary friends. You don't have real friends." -Claire
  • "I'm from Romania, I know people who own goats. I OWNED a goat once." -Larisa
  • "Cavan is a beautiful country" - Shauna, TA
  • "This is a period of conversation I'm going to ignore" - Shauna; "If that was a period pun it was bloody awful" - Brianna
  • "I'm going to go get a tissue because I'm sick of myself" - Cormac
  • "We don't have hayfever in America" -Gemma
  • "LYNCH THE MINI-T'S!" -Claire
  • "Do you know what's better than being erotic in fiction? Being erotic in real life." - Cormac
  • "No knives! You're not allowed knives in here!" - Brianna
  • "I came here for lesbians; not for gay fucking men." - Serena
  • "What? Fisting? Where?" - Ella
  • "So you're not meant to drink? Yup. *vodka shot*" - Claire
  • "It's off to class - lunch - fuck! - we go!" - Emma
  • "I still want to adopt you a little bit." - Claire
  • "I read ugly is gay." - Ella
  • "It's the gay version of Paper Towns." - Larisa
  • "Can we kill people? I'm not talking about the plot. Just in general." - Julia
  • "I'll kill you with a fork and eat you for breakfast." - Brianna
  • "The snake oil is magic." - Ella
  • "Every time they say game, I hear gay." - Elliot
  • "Small puppies with sweet chili sauce." - Claire
  • "I think you're trying to be depression." - Brianna
  • "Small dogs? Oh, I heard spot logs and I didn't know what it was, so I was scared it was code for drugs." - Claire
  • "I just heard 'I ate most kittens'." - Ella
  • "I'm rubbing you against my penis." - Serena
  • "Dragons can't consent." - Cormac
  • "Why is it so hard to butter these sponges?" - Aoife
  • "How did you mix up Polaroids and porn?" - Cormac
  • "I swear, the only thing I can think of when I'm counting you is Gotta Catch 'Em All. I'm meant to have twenty, but I only have eighteen. Oh no! But suddenly, a wild Elliot appears!" - Shauna, TA
  • "Neo-nazis are my favourite flavour of ice cream." - Ella
  • "Someone thought my name was ribena." - Brianna
  • "Cinderella with the coe tutting." - Elliot
  • "It's a big bag of cans, not a big bag of can'ts." - Claire
  • "So you can be dead and fuck people, but I can't watch stepsister porn?" - Hannah
  • "Why was there a furry at the Green Day concert?" - Julia
  • "Don't diss them. You'll incur their furry." - Serena
  • "We need to formulate porn." - Ella
  • "I'm gonna be a great lesbian." - Ella
  • "Do you hear that squeak? That's chair sex." - Ella
  • "The beatings will continue until morale improves." - Cormac
  • "Om nom nom, motherfuckers." - Serena
  • "My internet is bleeding. Why?" - Serena
  • It was attempted prostitution." - Cormac
  • "The floor is always there for you when you fall." - Brianna
  • "Everyone's allowed to molest people with those porn alien tentacle things." - Serena
  • "Don't quote me on that." - Cormac
  • "In a lot of books, you have the boy and he gets the girl and they do the sex and the *kissy noises*." - Cormac
  • "Can I just point out that the first thing I heard when I walked in the door was incest?" - Serena
  • "It's like if you kill someone and have sex with them to bring them back to life." - Ella
  • "Okay, but is it necrophilia if you fuck them back to life?" - Serena
  • "I've never been quoted." - Alex
  • "That was a horgy." - Harry
  • "I'm going to miss you like a blind man misses a dartboard." - Cormac

CAT Criminology A

  • "Thanks, Hitler" -Rory (the TA)
  • "But if someone is forcing drink down your throat...." -Ivan
  • "Where is this place where drinks are being forced down people's throats and how do I get there?" -Rory
  • "I WAS RACIALLY PROFILED ONCE!" -Paul, the teacher who is a cis, possibly het white male
  • "Genocide is the best" -Alana
  • "My favourite word is birb" -Cathal
  • "I would call Rory daddy" -everyone in both classes at some point
  • "Everything's legal when there's no cops around" -Cathal
  • "Dammit Toby!" -everyone
  • "I support castration" -Paul
  • "We should castrate them!" -Everyone when talking about punishment
  • "Let's just play mafia" -Rory during EVERY study
  • "If I were to go and punch Rory in the face...." -Paul
  • "OBJECTION!!" -All the barristers in the mock trial
  • "No I'm telling you, EVERYONE here is gay" -Rory to Paul
  • "I don't have schizophrenia!" -Mrs.Viktimm, a schizophrenic
  • "I noticed the penguin, I just didn't look at him because I was afraid of bursting out laughing" -Paul

CAT Criminology B

  • "Point of information!" -Everyone
  • "Can we just tell them to fuck off?" -James, about criminology A
  • "Ellen, take the knives out of your socks" -Oisin from Monaghan
  • "But if there's 5 workers on one track and 1 on another and you can push a fat Nazi onto the tracks and the workers are also communists are you a criminal according to the moral view held by most of society?" -everyone
  • "Look at him nursing that penguin. What a maternal figure" -Elle, talking about Nathan
  • "AMY DARCYYYYYY" -everyone
  • "Death penalty!" -everyone
  • "Seize the means of production" -commies
  • "He's seizing the means of reproduction" - Jason, when anyone asked about his crotch buddy
  • "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie thaaaaat's amore!" -Adam and James
  • "WHAT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND?" -Elle from the back of the room during the mock trial
  • "I noticed the penguin, I just didn't look at him because I was afraid of bursting out laughing" -Paul
  • "SiNathan" -Claire
  • "We could have a 3 strike system where the first 2 times we cut off their hands and the third time their head with a thousand degree knife...thousand degree knife vs criminal challenge"
  • "does anyone know how we select judges?" -Rory "OOH! Flip a coin 5 times!" -Jason
  • "Oh shots fired!" "Doesnt matter, the guards will take 30 minutes to get here" -Alex
  • "Flip the coin 5 times to determine who gets heads and who gets tails"
  • "Yurt" -Elle
  • "*an entire chairperson speech in a robotic voice*" -Fredrick
  • "Noot Noot" - Fredrick
  • "12 and a half men" -Jason
  • "Fight me Bitch" - Amy Darcy

CAT Novel Writing

  • "Brian, you have a new fanclub" - Ruán

CAT Social Psychology

  • "Spaghetti men are not a common feature of Celtic Neopaganism" - Cas/Sophie
  • "You can put cocaine in tea?" - Ciaran

RAs, TAs and Teachers

  • "If you put me on the quotes page, I'll sue you" -Michael (Law)
  • "Don't do anything I would do if someone wasn't watching" - Ian
  • "Do not put toast in me..." - Aaron
  • "Hey, pals!" - Noah
  • "I don't think it's a cist, it looks more like a pimple" -Michael, as Matheson representatives walk in behind him
  • "Our Father, who art in Heaven" - Andy
  • "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE! I bring you, cup." - Andrew
  • "A-A-RON!" - Aaron's RA group
  • "Oh sweet Jesus almighty not again" - Ruth
  • "Ah now aren't yee lovely" - Sarah
  • "Jesus Christ I thought Doctor Who was a kids show" - Paul
  • "It's ok they won't get angry over vomit" - Brian
  • "Room, not The Room" - Aoife
  • "I encompass and I eclipse" - Aaron, via smol Andrew's snapchat story.
  • "Student number 15 is Fergus, who is no longer with us" - James
  • "We need to seize the means of production" - James
  • "That's just fantastic" - Paul
  • "GUYS SHUT UP" - Dylan
  • "Let's not talk about the most efficient ways to kill industrial quantities of people" - James
  • "It's better for paperwork to just dispatch everyone" - James
  • "How about is it ever right to kill anyone, just in general" - James
  • "That was weak, Myles, that was a weak ass pun" - James
  • "If someone eats their grandparents it's Cúán's fault" - James
  • "Six legs on the floor please" - Aoife (TA)
  • "Do you want to take it out" - Aoife (TA)
  • "Davin comes swingin' for memes" - Davin (TA)
  • "Padraig no time for friendship" - James
  • "Harry Potter land, formerly known as Hogwarts" - Aoife
  • "If you're gonna comment on her head size she's allowed rebuttal" - Aoife
  • "One bant for you, one bant for you, bants for all!" - Aoife
  • "Less of that!" - Michael(IRA TA)
  • "What do you do when the kids keep touching you?" - Michael(IRA TA)
  • "This is not a democracy, this is a dictatorship, I am a dictator" - Aoife
  • "You know what I said about smiling at your crotch" - Noah
  • "Death to all the non Michaels!" - Michael (IRA TA)
  • "That's fresh." - Paul
  • "Where are you going with that traffic cone?" - Aaron
  • "I couldn't relate to the characters because they weren't me" - Aoife
  • "I'll fall on you like a vending machine" - Michael (IRA TA)
  • "Later nerds *fingerguns*" - James
  • "...or you'll be sent down to Law" - Aoife
  • "Get off me, get off me, get off me" - Michael (IRA TA)
  • "Do not put babies in the gentleman" - Aaron
  • "You're mine now" - Christina
  • "They're really lovely people, just easy targets" - Sarah
  • "10/10 would let you cut me open again." - Sarah
  • "I'm gonna shush so hard." - Noah
  • "Wait a minute. Where's daddy?" - Noah
  • "Petshop, Dick." - Noah
  • "'No thanks,' said Dick. 'You mean there's a bigger one in the Southern hemisphere?'" - Noah
  • "Okay, so tomorrow, there's going to be water appreciation." - Noah
  • "I'm not sure if typewriters are contraband" -Brian (Game Theory)
  • "Stop playing chess and focus on the damn game theory" - Brian
  • "Guys! Maths isn't funny! Stop!" - Brian
  • "Iarlaith you forgot your goats" - Brian
  • "Thwarting the evil communists, as usual" - Brian
  • "There exists an example in history where one state wasn't a huge mean person to another" - Brian
  • "You're learning Yale economics now. Please go home and tell your parents that" - Brian
  • "Has everyone heard of the Nobel prize?" - Brian, "It's pointless" - Joe (probably)
  • "Ethan please take off the bowl" - Brian
  • "I realise you came to CTYI to make friends and I'm sorry that I've ruined that" - Brian
  • "you is kind you  is smart you is a dote"-Sarah (RA)
  • "Do whatever you want just dont get caught" -Niamh
  • "So what's the goss?" -niamh
  • "Youre leaving after 2 weeks? That's transphobic!" -Noah
  • "Hustle, hustle, hustle!" -Aodán


  • "No one can give out to me for rubbing myself" - Oisin
  • "My job is to sleep with children" - Ben
  • "I'm taken" - Ruán
  • "FINCHES" - Ciarán
  • "Vanity is the best policy" - Me
  • "Hey dddy" - Ruán (On FB Messenger)
  • "I don't know what sound I'm making. It's just noise, also I'm vibrating" - Ruán
  • ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) - ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • "Stalin did less wrong than people say he did" - Max (This is a joke and if you can't see that get a sense of humour or learn what context is).
  • "The Powerhouse of the cell!!!" - Everyone
  • "Do you say dressing gown or hoover?" -Cian
  • "Brian ran up to the monsters and shouted NO TALKING!"- Random Text To Speech Engine.
  • "G'BH'UED'MON" - Hugh.
  • "An All Star MeeDee" - Ciráin when talking about midi files
  • "Hey Oisín do you want to get a baby and experiment on it?" -Rory
  • "Put your dick in a toaster bag..." -Aisling
  • "Sweatshops" - Jonathan
  • "YEEEEEE!" - Louise
  • "she's even hotter when she's dominant"-Ruairí
  • "wow someone stimulated her"-Fionn
  • "Tea is consent"-Kellie H
  • "I was just about keeping it in and then I felt another pair of hands "-Ruairí
  • "The only reason you look good in a hat is because it hides your hair" -Adam, to Cormac
  • "Tinfoil Tuesday is not a thing and everyone should be executed" -Cormac
  • "He's like Romeo and Juliet, but one guy" -Adam
  • 'Is she good, or is she gooooood?" "She's an EXCELLENT TEACHER" -Molly and Andrew
  • "TOM!!!! LICK MY ARM TOM!!!!" -Megan
  • "Paul isn't funny, he is the joke" -Megan
  • "I have a brother, I thought I'd seen a dick before. I had not seen a dick before" -Rionach
  • "Shift Loads of Underage Teens" -Megan
  • "Do we get to do singalongs?" "WHY DO YOU THINK IM HERE" -Molly and Paul (RA), Hamilton Appreciation
  • *Megan starts a chant*
  • "Drop a fucking brick down" -Paul, when people were throwing stuff out windows in the quad
  • "Aldi dilute is fucking LIT" -Megan
  • "Make your weenis touch your kneenis" -Megan
  • "PheNOMenal" -Tom
  • "Every night's a party at Clongowes" -Adam
  • "What happens under the stairs stays under the stairs" -Adam
  • "I'm a fucking sheep, I follow everybody" -Megan
  • "I'm against dick sucking" -Rionach
  • "I'm a good Christian girl" -Megan
  • "Leave room for Jesus" "They have no Jesus" -Colm and Paul, watching Pochahontas
  • "Why didn't you come to the Christening you cunt?" -Megan
  • "Would it be weird if I had an erection right now?" -Cormac, with Paul and Megan lying on him
  • "Jess I'm as short as you now" -Cormac, sitting on the floor
  • "Don't let her achieve her dreams" -Paul, on Megan
  • "I don't want to do it in the bathroom. I want to be different. I want to do it in the middle of the quad" -Megan, on blowjobs
  • "Cormac you don't have a name either" "Yeah I do, it's Cormac" -Keelin and Cormac
  • "Not face or balls" "But they're, like, prime areas" -Cormac and Paul
  • "Look, it's your contact" -Rían, to Alex
  • "Please get that ketchup away from me" -Rionach
  • "I never got out of breakfast" -Molly
  • "How did he acquire so many balls?" -Sarah
  • "Lightbulbs only in this bin" "Whoops im dyslexic" *puts rubbish in bin* -Adam
  • "That's Doctor Mister Professor to you" -Adam
  • "Why is the music playing into your crotch?" -Molly, to Emmet
  • "Adam, can I have some nuts?" -Sarah
  • "We're doing Rebus puzzles, because what would a Calm Hatters Tea Party be without a Rebus puzzle? -Andrew
  • "Some of us are trying to watch the movie" "Yeah well some of us are trying to sync it up with Dark Side of the Moon" -Emmet and Andrew
  • "It's like when you leave horses alone to fuck" -Molly
  • "I just got recognised as Red Shorts" -Cormac
  • "Too many balls, not enough time" -Adam
  • "As a great man once said' "this feels PheNOMenal"" -Emmet
  • "I'd call it the beast but it didn't even have a heart" -Megan, on pizza
  • "I'd call it a slut but no one would ever slut with it" -Megan, on pizza
  • "Political correctness goes out the window" "And bitches go out the door" -Cormac and Adam
  • "Paul why is your password "my dick is 2 inches"? -Andrew
  • "Fucking lit" -Megan
  • "Cans Cans Doodly Dee" -Rían
  • "Your hair is so soft" "That's because it's woven of molten gold. You know it to be true Jess, you know it to be true" -Jess and Paul
  • "I'm a Husslepuff, that's where all the gangster wizards go" -Paul
  • "Find your own stick and peel it yourself" -Tom
  • "If you take all your clothes off and smear shit all over yourself no one will want to touch you" -Andrew
  • "He's a blinding flame in a world of darkness" "He's the dimmest one here..." -Emmet and Adam
  • "You've just been Clongowed" -Molly
  • "Colm has no pants on" "Yes I do" "No you don't it's a mirage" -Paul and Colm
  • "Why is there a 'Wet Floor' sign here every morning?" "Because Megan can see how fucking slick everyone looks" -Molly and Megan
  • "People in Howth smoke salmon, people in Wicklow smoke weed" Emmet
  • "If the ARCs catch me ill just say I left my inhaler in Paul's room and start wheezing" -Andrew
  • "Middle name: O Surname: Dwyer" -Adam
  • "You'll notice this is an unusual marriage, especially for a church" -Paul, on Megan and Keelin's wedding
  • "By the power vested in me by something I read online I now pronounce you wife and other wife" *Paul knights Megan and Keelin* -Paul
  • "If it's raining do we still do nothing but shorts?" Hell yes! Pneumonia who?" -Molly and Adam
  • "Lesbian sex is the safest sex one can have" "What if you have genital warts?" "Fairly hygienic lesbian sex is the safest sex one can have!" -Colm and Molly
  • "Pan o Chocolate" -Megan
  • "Super magic holy water makeup stuff" -Adam, on makeup remover
  • "I hadn't delved into the wonder that is Cormac Watson" -Sarah
  • "Follow your penis Andrew" -Paul
  • "My penis has brought me into some very bad situations" -Keelin
  • "I've got a tennis ball in my fucking kidney" -Cormac
  • "A terrible mistake or a great discovery?" -Andrew
  • "If Sarah and Robyn had a baby it would be these shorts" -Jess
  • "The law of averages, eventually someone will piss in your sink" -Andrew
  • "We definitely need to take a shit in his cistern" "His sister?" -Paul and Andrew
  • "Where do you start a riot? IN THE QUAD" -Andrew
  • "You can Indicate the tone of your voice with the tone of your voice"- Molly
  • "I didn't think you'd find a way to fidget with it all the way through class"- Alex
  • "Paul offered to stuff his meat down Rían's throat"-Alex
  • "Few cans with at nerd camp"- Rían
  • "Ask the tree if it's gay"-Keelin
  • "I'll squat when Cormac goes down"-Sarah
  • "Jess can get anything if she moans hard enough"- Molly
  • "Don't put the pussy on a platter, and in this case you're the pussy"- Paul
  • "Megan, the pasta doesn't get any pleasure out of it"- Alex
  • "His muffin is too moist"- Alex
  • "Nothing is too big for Megan"- Molly and Colm in unison
  • "We don't have a Jesus"- Paul
  • "Oh no it was really fine Cormac, you're just going to die"- Paul
  • "It's so hard"-Aidan Darcy
  • "Its not ear rape, it's ear molestation"-Peter
  • "Let's hack some fucking sack"- Emmet and Tom
  • "He would shoot up an orphanage for her"- Andrew
  • "This isn't strutting, this is powerwalking"- Keelin
  • "I've shifted one Asian"- Ríonach
  • "Pigs can get sunburn; Yeah it's called bacon"- Megan and Emmet
  • "I'm gonna divorce you so hard you'll say wow I'm divorced now"- Paul
  • "It's fucking sick"- Tom
  • "BUUUURRRRRNNNNNN"- Tom and Megan
  • "Rohypnol"- Cormac, Adam, Paul
  • "Moana 2: James Cook turns up claims the island for the British Empire and the slaughters all of the natives with nothing more than a sneeze"- Cormac and Paul
  • "YESSSSSSSSS"- Cormac and Adam
  • "Everyone here deserves to know that they are loved. That's why we're here" -Robyn
  • "YURT" -Kurt, moaning bizarrely sexually
  • "It was Gerald"-Niamh and everyone (Med A)
  • "I got into My Chemical Romance after I went through counselling so does that mean the counselling made me worse?" - El
  • "You're not a true emo unless you listen to Nickleback" - El
  • "I'm not obsessed, I speak when spoken to" - Tomás, about communism
  • "Your Spanish accent is so white" - Ethan
  • "I started watching Doctor Who to impress a girl" - El, "She must have been some girl" - Liadáin, "Ehhhh" *makes the so-so hand gesture* - El
  • "When you run out of things to say so you come out" - Emily
  • "My mam got me to bring food" - El, "Tell your mom I love her and want to marry her" - Elliot
  • "Speaking of, I need to redraw that so it looks more like a penis" - El

Session 2


"Neither Hannah nor the orange is a lesbian" - Áine

"I'll never be allowed back into spar - first I attacked someone with a bagle" - Leila

"We had a bonding moment in the ladies toilet" - Megan

"I have a really funny story with a penis" - Caragh

"I'd be really good at sucking a dick if it was long and flat" - Caragh

"Where are my clothes?" - Aoife

"You were flirting with the RA!" - Claire

"For money! That makes it okay" - Aoife

"Glitter is the herpes of crafts" - Aoife

"So barnacles are really stupid, but they have huge dicks" - Claire

"I enjoy dyke strength" - Steven

"Why does this top look like a FUCKING BINBAG" - Jenny

"That bird honestly has no business being that big" - Alex

"Well this morning I finished playing lonely, naked, wet snake" - Claudia

"Everyone who's American, I'm sorry but I hate your country" - Conor

"Roman numerals are gay culture" - Diana

"Why do you think I wanted to do robotics? I wanted a vibrator" - Steve

"Vin Diesel is an egg in a vest" - Steve

"I would rather rip my nails out" - Steve

"I think my kink is murder" - Caragh

"... you penetrate the rectum" - Steve

"I have known you for an hour in total and you are by far one of the weirdest people I know" - Steve

"See I can be nice to people, BITCH" - Steve

"Ooh I can squeak it" - Jack

"How do you know if you haven't tried it?" - Steve

"Put THAT in your quote book!!" - Aran

"I do weird things, I don't say weird things" - Caragh

"We're trying to make the weirdest innuendo possible and trying to explain her porn habit" - Steve

"He likes to touch it" - Steve

"What are you grinding to now?" - Jack

"There's the sweet spot RIGHT there" - Aine

"Everything can be salad if you try hard enough" - Steve

"Well, I don't like your FACE" - Steve

"It's a hard, gay life for us!" - Diana

"Claire is my mom! I need her to look after me but now she's broken" - Megan

"I really don't think you should be pointing your girlfriend's sword at me" - Aoife

"You're the emphasis of too far" - Aine

"She said something about pleasuring me as well" - Steve

"Don't fuck the sun, Caragh" - Diana

"That's generally how penises work" - Steve

"Give me my penis" - Caragh

"I stole my dick" - Diana

"It's my dick so be careful" - Diana

"Diana told me to open my mouth and started wiggling her penis threateningly at me" - Claire

"I snorted salt and it didn't kill me so I must be Jesus" - Conor

"Love is in the hair... ow" - Aine

"How the hell did I lose the manliest men and sparkle hat?" - Steve

"You're so Scandinavian, it's adorable" - Aine

"So you can date her but you won't date me?" "Well I actually have some standards" - Megan and Aine

"It wasn't kinky I just wanted to kill her" - Megan

"This is my penis now" - Caragh

"I feel like you could fuck someone ironically and it'd be okay" - Steve

"Are they gay? Because they have the haircut" - Caragh

"Look! I have ballsacks!" - Caragh

"We got black market Kinder eggs for the meme" - Charlie

"Nala is really attractive for a lion" - Aoife

"Being short is gay culture" - Aran

"Here's a little dick pat" - Aine

"This may seem like we're being romantic but really my nose is cold and your neck is warm" - Caragh

"That was cute until it wasn't" - Peter

"The boob stroking was completely platonic" - Steve

"I mean id we're referring to Captain America, I'd fuck America" - Peter

"Just because they're basically spandex doesn't mean anything" - Aine

"I'd buy you dinner to make you eat not to see your shoulders" - Claire

"Estonia is when you fall asleep and you see a country" - Peter

"Fuck Kilkenny" - Aine

"It's on your arm not your hand, you can't count" - Claire

"If you're staring at a guy's dick, it's less gay than if you're staring into his eyes" - Peter


Neuroscience A

"I gesticulate all the time *puts middle finger up*" - Mila

"I'm never gonna guess if it's a man" - Hannah

"Putin is an LGBT icon" - Hannah

"I'm the Alex of my friendgroup" - Aoife

"Fucking Yasmin" - Aoife

"Let's just refer to GIFs as Jonathan" - Mila

"Not Jonathan, Jonathan's awful" - Hannah

"Oscar Blood! That's a nice name... How you get a name like that? You kill a man?" - Michael (best TA)

"Aoife is Pence" - Claire's internal monologue during a debate

"Swords augment your hands" - Peter

"If the surgery doesn't work - death" - Mila

"Dildo of God" - Mila

"And also, with communism " - Mila

"They'd have enhanced body... powers... per se" - Mila

"In the hierarchy of things you need to live, living is pretty high" - Claire

"Time is brain" - random person talking about clots

"This is just getting at the kinks" - Caoilinn (TI)

"That's the meaning of life - we're all secretly sexual organs for robots" - Adam

"Claire Bear's a were-bear" - Adam

"And also the mayor" - Mila

"Santa Transmitted Disease... STD" - Peter/Mila

"Are you barricading the door?" - Mila @ Michael

"Don't be a hedgehog, Sonic! Gotta go fast!" - Peter (in a horrific accent)

"Let's all get abortions" - Peter

"Trump Tower on me, Daddy" - Peter

"You know what trust is? Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs" - Mila

"I'll just stride into a church and go: 'bless me you cunt-bags'" - Peter

"I just yelled 'tiny baby prostitutes' at the top of my voice" - Mila

"This is a very lesbian day" - Aoife

"1 in 10 people are George Michael" - Everyone

"Check for signs of George Michael in your elderly relatives" - Peter

"Tampons are just soft dildoes" - Mila

"And suddenly, out of the blue, boobs" - Aoife

"Mila is George Michael reincarnated" - Aoife

"Romeo and Juliet - George and Michael. A Shakespeare classic" - Adam

"Fight me for the boobs" - Aoife (@ Peter)

"Badoomtits" - Mila

"You're Meryl Deep in the vagina" - Mila

"Everything's a dildo if you try hard enough" - Peter

"It's like a tutu... of DEATH" - Adam

"Mazel Tov" - random passer-by (after boob balloon pops)

"Wait. Your priest did too?!?!" - Peter

"Wait, so there are groups of scientists who don't know each other, running around kidnapping monks and torturing them to see if they feel pain?!?!" - Claire

"I love me some cat-ass-juice" - Peter

"There's no teacher, let's all do drugs" - Mila

"Jesus is a psychopath murderer" - Aoife

"Psychopaths: coming to a theatre near you! With guns" - Mylo

"Mila, come on, make this a threesome" - Aoife

"Over-arousal is detrimental to performance" - TEDtalk

"Then you have to ban children" - Aisling

"Practise make good of things" - Aoife

"It's better to save the stock market than save lives, right?" - Simmie

"All my stuff is still covered in Nutella" - Claire

"Is that my book? Smell it. If it smells of Nutella, it's mine" - Claire

"Why haven't we weaponised Nutella yet?" - Peter

"The treat is dopamine" - Adam

"You want your surgeon to be a psychopath. You don't want them to have any emotional response to cutting you up" - Caoilinn (TI)

"It's probably Michael in a body-suit" - Claire (when Gemma shows up)

"He's not there for the sex - it's for the love!" - Aoife (about a guy in love with a dolphin)

"Mila no" - Everyone

"Mila yesssss" - Mila

"If you wanna be best friends with me, you gotta be a poop" - Aisling

"I'm actually 25 rats in a trench coat" - Adam

"One twin may have a great fear of desk drawers" - Adam

"Y'know the place where you keep all your arm augmentations - it's an ARMoury" - Adam

"Why do guys and gals when you can do gays and doms?" - Aoife

"If they have a doge it's fine" - Mylo

"What if they have a doge and a white van?" - Claire

"It's probably fine" - Mylo

"I'm not Satan, I'm a pyromaniac" - Síofra

"This is why our marriage is falling apart!" - Peter

"We're not married!" - Aoife

"Oh my expletive god" - Peter

"How does the teenage brain make decisions?" - TEDtalk

"Spin! The! Wheel!" - Peter

"It's not paranoia if it's actually happening" - Aoife

"I feel like I could make it to 18 without killing anyone... probably" - Mila

"Can you give me cancer?" - Aoife

"Cause oxygen. Oxygen is handy" - Peter

"These days get a lot of money in America cause capitalism" - Aoife

"Laughter doesn't have side-effects guys" - Aoife

"*lists horrific side-effects*" - Aoife

"Same" - Peter

"This is your brain on music" - Isabel

"Treat your plants to vedic chants if you want" - Hannah

"Self deprication? More like self depricatFUN" -  Hugh


  • "If people aren't around then sitting isn't a thing" - Kate
  • "No gingers in my suburbs" - Luke
  • "Time is like a box of chocolates" - Owen
  • "Gabi if you want to be a table go right ahead" - James
  • "Animals could still, like, death" - Gabi
  • "We're talking about death again?" - Alex
  • "Someone was gonna die. Who were we talking about?" - James
  • "Life is a social construct" - Owen
  • "Human rights are no joke, Sarah" - Luke
  • "How can you be sure the afterlife doesn't or does exist? Like, you haven't been there" - Ollie
  • "I'm going to punch Jesus in the face" - Luke
  • "I can't remember what you said but this is my counter argument" - Sean
  • "It always comes back to pussy and class" - Luke
  • "I'm not gonna write slavery on the board in case someone comes in" - James
  • "Slavery is efficient and will make you money" - Steph
  • "There was a time when slavery wasn't bad" - Alex
  • "Not to sound really tumblr, but-" - Aoife
  • "Slavery is no joke, Sarah" - Luke
  • "I can't think of a real life example so I'm going to use Glee" - Jenny
  • "You're over-explaining why slavery is bad" - James
  • "If I say slavery I mean capitalism" - Gabi
  • "Buss open this philosopussy" - Luke
  • "Take me, James" - Owen
  • "Would you rather be able to fly or understand Hegel" - Sean
  • "My very limited knowledge of anything" - Sarah
  • "In my professional opinion, I Don't Know" - Alex
  • "What did that have to do with road safety?" - Aoife
  • "...what Sarah said about the sexiness of donating to charity" - Finghín
  • "Potholes are a social construct" - Luke
  • "Gay guys come and go, lesbians are forever" - Luke

"Lesbians Are Forever is my favourite James Bond movie" - Alex

  • "If you're writing about intelligence then you can't mention Sean" - Alex
  • "Sperm are friends not food" - Luke
  • "Remember that one episode of Friends where the sun went out and the gang spent their last moments huddled together before freezing to death" - Luke
  • "...looking at Sinn Féin propaganda for two hours" - Steph
  • "I didn't have my hand up but I'll talk anyway" - Maggie
  • "Martian erasure" - Alex
  • "I forgot to put my hand down" - Sean
  • "Week two is all about despair" - James
  • "Every time they saw a flower they'd be like "what the hell is this?"" - James
  • "If you were eaten by a shark you wouldn't be shocked" - James

"I mean I'd be fairly shocked, if I was eaten by a shark" - Luke

  • "So the flower doesn't matter" - Jenny

"That's a bit rude" - Luke

  • "Sometimes I mumble in my sleep and no one can make out what I say" - Michael

"What's the difference?" - Sean

  • "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's a priori knowledge" - Luke
  • "Did anyone have a crisis or revelation over lunch" - James

"I mean yeah but it had nothing to do with philosophy" - Luke

  • "Who spoke about the void?" - James
  • "Does quantum mechanics is gay?" - Alex
  • "War is for sometimes" - James
  • "I love Becky and Marxism" - Luke
  • "I love the episode of Spongebob with the self-perpetuating war" - Luke
  • "We need eight people" - James

"Eight war heroes" - Sean

"But only one can be America's Next Top Model" - Luke

  • "Sweet dreams are made of Jedward" - Ciara
  • "Jedward are dating Mothman" - Alex
  • "skkrt skrrt the witch is dead" - Ciara
  • "Bisexuality is literally more common in sheep than in humans" - Alex
  • "Not to be dramatic but today is Ollie's 8th birthday" - Luke
  • "Intelligence is a 🅱️ocial 🅱️onstruct" - Pen
  • "I hope you don't have a literal headache but a metaphysical one would be great" - James
  • "...determinism for wimps" - James
  • "I was going to say what I think but I really don't care" - Steph
  • "It's italicised so you know it's important" - James
  • "Cad atá ag happening" - Luke
  • "That make sit easier to understand so we won't do that" - James
  • "Oh yeah civil wars are good" - Sean
  • "What kind of car would you like to be hit by" - Sean

"A Prius" - Claudia

  • "Maslow's Hierarchy of Weeds" - Sarah
  • "Oh god not a woman" - Sarah
  • "In the afternoon we'll move onto more sunny things. Like war" - James
  • "Can't believe James invented fruit" - Claudia
  • "You just got FINGHERED" - everyone
  • "I was lying about that. I'm not lying about this" - James
  • "What's the opposite of time?" - James
  • "Physics, biology, chemistry, and Hegel" - James
  • "Press 2 to mango" - Sean
  • "The apples are in constant dialogue with each other, telling each other that they are all apples" - James
  • "Fake Hughs" - Maggie
  • "In a way we're all Bono" - Luke
  • "Philosophy doesn't deal with comas" - James
  • "DCU's insurance policy doesn't cover blown minds" - Luke
  • "Mediocrity has been found dead" - Luke
  • "I get what he's saying but it's so stupid" - Claudia
  • "Not to get all weird and philosophy about it, but-" - Claudia
  • "This might sound a bit sociopathic" - Sarah
  • "I Kant believe it's not butter" - Luke
  • "I like the thick bit" - James
  • "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's a sense of self" - James
  • "Selena Gomez is so important to this class" - James
  • "Truth has been found dead" - James
  • "Despairah Kelly" - Luke
  • "A watermark of despair" - Steph
  • "Thick people can't have existential crises" - James
  • "You could say that about anything" - Michael

"No you couldn't oh my god" - Claudia

  • "I'd be a big fan of the elitism" - Claudia
  • "I opened the first page and read the first page and I was just like what the fuck" - Sean
  • "Does despair is vore?" - Alex
  • "Not to be a Hitler sympathiser, but-" - Aoife
  • "Stabbing people is fine" - Gabi
  • "We're going back to murder" - Kate
  • "When you get past 24 and you're not a professor, it;s pretty annoying" - James
  • "I'm not a centrist because I'm not an idiot" - Sean
  • [whispered] "Climate change isn't real" - Ciara
  • "A Murderer are monster" - James
  • "You know how it's wrong to kill people" - Claudia
  • "This is gonna sound really emo but death and emotions are arbitrary" - Claudia
  • "Again this is gonna sound really emo but nothing matters anyway" - Claudia
  • "Ollie Ollie Ollie, oi oi oi" - Rupi Kaur
  • "Heroin, there's a great hyperreality" - James
  • "Why do we need to climb a mountain?" - Alex

"For the meme" - Claudia

  • "Luke has a nugget of information" - James

"And that's all he has" - Alex

  • "Kate has been found missing" - Hugh

"How can you be found missing" - Luke

  • "She's not like other girls, she's made entirely of cardboard" - Alex
  • [five minute tangent about memes] - Kate
  • "Not to go back to memes but-" - Kate
  • "Apart from hating Wichtenstein and/or yourself, what else is wrong?" - James
  • "He founded it in some stupid year like 1912" - Sean
  • *Diagrams humans relation to their spirit and the relation in of itself* - Steph
  • "He's the smartest man in Asia Minor, Kate" - James (about heraclitus)
  • "All chairs borrow from the surrounding chairness" - Steph
  • " 'Noun1' is just boneless 'Noun2' " - Everyone (mostly Luke)
  • "You're ruining my dick" - Claudia
  • " 'Conflict is for always' is my favourite Bond movie!" - Alex
  • "Something something immunodeficiency..." - Luke (In reference to Steph's cronic and incurable disease)
  • "If the eyes are like the tits of the face, then the eyebrows are like the bra" - Luke
  • "What are these circles?" - Luke, seeing popcorn chicken for the first time

Sci Fi and Fantasy Writing

  • "It's Monday, I know you're all tired. So let's ask the question on everyone's minds. Anyone got any memes?" - James TA
  • "There can be no utopia without memes" - James TA
  • "They have vending machines that fill themselves, we have a furnace" - Aaron
  • "So you have actually written the fiction of Colm O' Reilly's murder" - Aran
  • "Every being is equal in the eyes of the furnace" - Ethan
  • "Only state-approved memes" - Aran
  • "All hail the almighty furnace" - James TA
  • "So we got his skull second hand?" - Aran
  • "Problems are all the more exciting" - James TA
  • "Funny?! That gave me nightmares" - ?
  • "Probably, we're terrible people" - Ethan
  • "I want everyone to benefit so I'm giving everyone my shirt... For money" - Ethan
  • "And they can torture you obviously" - Emily TI (about dystopias)
  • "I just don't want to hear you speak" - James TA
  • "I like when the good guy wins" - Aran
  • "Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but THERE ARE ALIENS" - Emily TI
  • "We'll save it for clones" - Emily TI
  • "What if the government could watch your every action and hear your every thought?" "What do you mean 'what if'?" - Emily TI and Diana
  • "Now, onto brainwashing" - Emily TI
  • "I have friends full stop" - James TA
  • "I don't trust the furnace" - Conor H
  • "But it was a MAN" - Emily TI
  • "They're big, fat and they steal sheep" - Ethan
  • "If you kill one, you get a girlfriend" - Ethan
  • "No, that is all I have to say" - James TA
  • "OK guys, I made it up, let's move on!" - Emily TI
  • "He's wearing the tightest whitest" - Aran
  • "Greek mythology was the original fanfiction" - Emily TI
  • "You're not all bad" - Emily TI
  • "I often fantasize about how Trump would deal with aliens" - Emily TI
  • "With an attitude like that, Conor, you will be the first in the furnace" - James TA
  • "There's a really funny meme" - Emily TI
  • "I'm telling you, it's fanfiction, guys!" - Emily TI
  • "Let's stick to witches puberty" - Emily TI
  • "So if you're randomly Spanish, I got it" - Diana
  • "It's science fiction, not science fact" - Emily TI
  • "It wouldn't affect us because there's no dinosaurs here" - Aran
  • "I am willing to die for this... thing" - Conor H
  • "Sugar is the path to Satan" - James TA
  • "Conor, get up those stairs and stop offering people poison" - James TA
  • "I'm a little bit obsessed with space stories" - Emily TI
  • "Why are you making this difficult for me???" - Emily TI
  • "All studentios presentios!" - James TA
  • "Keep your opinions to yourself, we're building a Cacolat Tower" - Ethan
  • "Did I mention War Hammer?" - Ethan
  • "We'll talk to them first, figure out that we're probably smarter and then destroy them" - Ethan
  • "Where's Second Ben???" - James TA
  • "No-one said dank memes because we have a serious lack" - Ethan
  • "He's the one with the big, pointy stick" - Aran
  • "He's strong and he shoots good" - Aran
  • "You're really intimidating to sit beside" "Good" - Ethan and Conor H
  • "I explained it the other day, if you were listening" - Emily TI
  • "Looking fly... OH IS THAT A WAISTCOAT??" - James TA
  • "It sounds like maracas, it must be good" - Conor H
  • "I feel like I'll be beaten if I disobey" - Ethan
  • "Ooh, it's me Ghost Daddy" - Aran
  • "I like my ghost daddy with a little more hair" - Ethan
  • "Daddy, it's awfully warm in here" - Ethan
  • "There was an unwelcome guest in that threesome" - Ethan
  • "I was strolling around, looking through windows, as is my job" - Lily
  • "Ghost Daddy, I can be with you in death now" - Ethan
  • "Daddy, mute me" - Diana
  • "I'm the goddess, okay?" - Conor L
  • "You can express your love in one sentence, right?" - Emily TI
  • "Why, excuse me, this is the third day with no dank memes" - Aran
  • "I am protecting you against slugs and evil spirits" - Conor H
  • "Not many things in CTYI are straight. Why couldn't the tables be one?" - Ethan
  • "It's an Ethan sandwich on Aaron bread" - Aran
  • "The only time you like coffee is when it's 3 am and your essay's due the next morning" - Ethan
  • "He's so far away from the rest of the class in his own academic, wizard tower" - Ethan
  • "I mean I CAN function but I don't have my phone" - Ethan
  • "He who controls the salt, controls the universe" - Ethan
  • "Ohh I LOVE courtroom dramas!" - Conor L
  • "I mean I read Drarry (fanfiction) but I still hate you" - Ethan
  • "I forgot, you're Spanish, you're weird" - Ethan
  • "I love the idea that a lamp is objectively sexy" - Aran
  • "You can ignore everything I say, if you like" - Emily TI
  • "Aren't we all just barrels of flesh and varying degrees of happiness" - James TA
  • "I think you just ruined my childhood" - Conor L
  • "You can't solve all your problems with fanfiction" - Aran
  • "Santa is the god of reindeer" - Jack
  • "We're being progressive" "Communism" "NO" - Ethan and Diana
  • "No more progression for anyone" - Ethan
  • "So if anyone has Diana's self esteem make sure to save it to the google drive" - James TA
  • "Take me, my lesbian" "You're a guy" - Conor H and Diana
  • "Communism. I killed them all and then evenly distributed the bodies" - Mark
  • "Just kill people and hope you survive" - Conor L
  • "The study is now in session, all hail the furnace" "All hail the furnace" - James TA and Everyone (Every study)

War and Modern Conflict

  • "Mountain Wanges" -TA
  • "Guys, it is not the 19th century. You cannot trade colonies." Thamil, during a Model UN session.